September 30, 2005, 5:53pm

I got an A for my statistics exam in the first section! I want As, not Bs.

Will have some fun with a fellow student from Korea this evening.

Have a nice weekend, everyone.

September 29, 2005, 10:17pm

Thank you so much, Psyche! This is really a surprise. :)

Right after my statistics exam, I was back to my apartment with an exhausted brain. Then I got this cute little teapot! Thank you so much, Psyche, you really boost up my life today. I'll make tea with it soon.

I also got a letter from my dear friends in Scotland. Ann said they're doing well as usual. I simply love to hear that. Since knowing them, and knowing that some of their friends died, I usually think, why do good people die? If evolutionary theory is correct, why don't we have the genes developed so that good people stay strong forever? (Erin and Jenny, I really miss you.)

Though it's a really short time that I came to meet some of Ann and Bert's friends, I really learnt a lot from them. To know that we can learn so much from all these ordinary-looking older people. All of them have so many stories to tell. For instance, Bert told me about World War II and how sentimental it was to meet a German 50 years after the war, who was a soldier, thus an enemy of the British. To realize how stupid we can be, that once people wanted to kill each other but perhaps they can be really good friends.

When Ann and Bert took me to Eyemouth to see the beach and the sea, it's a really nice day (well, in the Scottish perspective, no rain is nice already). The sea was really calm and I was enjoying it. Ann said, "You really don't know why how terrible sometimes the sea can be." I simply don't (and don't want to) think about the negative side when things seem to be so good.

Erin was having lung cancer for years before he died last year. When I greeted him and asked "how are you?" he'd say, "Very bad. It's so painful I couldn't sleep for many nights." You see, normally and normatively, we're used to reply a greeting to say, "I'm fine," "Good" and so on. Yet, I learnt from them that it's OK to say we're not OK when we're not.

It's also because of Ann that I stopped my coffee addiction. She would order me very strong coffee in the cafe because I liked it that way (or I simply didn't have a choice when I was addicted). But once she said, "When you're lying in bed in the hospital, you'll say you shouldn't do this."

It takes a life to have wisdom I guess. But when we have achieved that, it's about the time we have to go. Is life that stupid? This may become my dissertation question. :)

September 29, 2005, 9:22am

I'll have my statistics exam in one hour. Keep your fingers crossed for me, OK?

Addy, Twiggy and Clara, I'm going to pray the rosary...

September 26, 2005, 4:28pm

A strange thing about UF is that, professors said students only need a B and students keep saying that they need a B.

I think the first time I heard about this B ideology was in the psychology department orientation last month. Then so many people would say, all I need is a B to get through.

I have been thinking about this and can't think it through. It's so strange. At LSE, we go for excellence. I always want the best.

So, when I finally decided that I couldn't figure out why there's such a B ideology and what the implications might be, I emailed my advisor and asked him about it. I said I want an A and want to go for excellence.

Then, I was flipping through my organizer this morning and just realized that I forgot my research meeting with my advisor and the team last Tuesday! One week ago!!!

So, I rushed to my advisor's room and said sorry. He said it's all right. And I'm welcome to join them again tomorrow.

I feel so guilty about it. I was in the infirmary last Tuesday trying to get a referral to see the sports medicine. And I forgot about the meeting completely. What's worse, I met my advisor several times last week and he didn't say anything about my absence without reason... Just couldn't imagine what I would be thinking if I were him.

What sort of excellence I'm going for...

Anyways, he said, the B thing is strange. He's from Germany and works very hard to get good grades. But in the States, with grade inflation, everybody gets an A though they may not be up to standard.

He said I should stay with my attitude, get As and go for excellence.

Yes, I will.

September 23, 2005, 7:43pm

It's a really long day. I woke up at 6am because I had to administer a make-up exam for two students at 7:20am. And GatorLift couldn't take me because their schedule was full of needy people, so I rode my bike to my office and walked 15 minutes to the lecture hall.

Well, I could ride my bike to the lecture hall down the hill and save the 15-minute walk but I would have a huge problem to push it back to the top of the hill. So, the exam's done anyways.

I was so worried about waking up late that I woke up several times last night having nightmares about being late for them. One time I woke up at 3:15am... They are my kids and I need to be there for them.

So when things were done, I went to the post office to pick up the parcel too big to be stuffed in my mailbox. Leanne, thank you so much for the herbal teabags. I was having so much "hot air" after the bbq with friends in the Chinese church last Saturday. So many pimples... they're extra large!

And you know, I only ride my bike like twice a week. Most of the time I had the GatorLift to take me or I just walked. But everytime when I'm on my bike, I think of you. (Sounds sweet? But this is definitely not a love letter. :D)

It's only last year you taught me to ride the bike and it was so hard. I still remember you asked me not to look at the steer. Should look in front of me on the road instead. And later you said when I can ride, I should be able to see the scenary and enjoy the ride itself...

Now, I need to add one more thing. I need to look and pay attention to the traffic! Cars, bikes and people are going from all directions around and within the campus. It's really scary especially when I don't even have much confidence to walk the stairs yet I have to be on the bike and ride.

Last Saturday I actually fell from my bike on my way back home after working in the computer laboratory for my statistics assignment. It's my right elbow and it's OK. Not yet completely healed but should be soon. So, you take care in the other end. OK?

September 20, 2005, 4:56pm

Well, with a wider sky, I'll need more trees. I've got tanned a lot. This is OK but I don't want to have skin cancer...

My LSE dissertation has just arrived. It's great! I can begin the process to apply for the recognition of my master's work. So, may not need to do a master's thesis here. That is, I may graduate earlier! Let's see how it goes.

I was flipping through the pages of my own writing, feeling like, this is like a work done decades ago. It feels like it's a really long time ago. Actually, three years ago this time, I was in Scotland with Ann and Bert enjoying my last week in the UK. It is such a good memory.

I ought to look forward into the future. I still have a pile of required reading this week and will have my exam next Tuesday. Getting nervous.

Thank you so much, Psyche. My kid is just out of the packing! You know what, see the tag? Mccty! My office is in McCarty Hall!!! You can be a psychic reader. :D

September 18, 2005, 11:04pm

So, you people had fun in the Mid-Autumn Festival? I was in the bbq party with friends in the Chinese church. And meeting some more friends.

I bought myself a candle in the yard sales yesterday -- well, not those small ones but a huge one -- right now I have two candles lit up. One's plain and the other with Christmas archetypes on it from Shirley... :D (Lillian and Twiggy, do you remember my answer to your question why the candle disappears while burning? Combustion and incomplete combustion?)

I should be able to show you some photos when I get them from friends. I bought my camera with me but it's out of battery when I tried to turn it on. Both batteries didn't work... I know I know. I was meant to be trained as a professional news photographer and this shouldn't happen. I didn't check. My fault.

So, after that, I had to concentrate on my statistics assignment and my performance goal to discuss with my advisor. I printed the performance goal on a used A4 paper... from Hong Kong. And now, this narrower and longer A4 paper looks odd in size. You see how human beings adapt to changes.

September 17, 2005, 8:09pm

I'm just puzzled. I've been thinking about how big the UF campus is since the very first minute when I decided to accept this offer. And I'm here for 1.5 months already and I still don't seem to be able to figure it out.

With the official figure in the UF website, I did the conversion and calculation and found that it's six times as big as CUHK. But now, when I'm used to the campus especially with GatorLift taking me everywhere, it just doesn't seem so big.

Anyways, I still haven't got the time to check out the lake and see the alligators yet. Hopefully tomorrow afternoon I'll be there after church. Then I'll head back to my office and work on the readings for my research.

The UF campus map is printed on an A3 paper. I still remember when I was at LSE, the little map could be put in my organizer. (Lok, I hope you'll really enjoy your life in London when you're there later this month. LSE is great though it's small and the pub smells so bad...)

Hey, psychologists, I'm thinking about human perception. I'm always fascinated by the finding that, someone from a tropical rain forest won't be able to see an elephant far away as an elephant. They'll see a mosquito... (This is what I remember from the textbook. I didn't read the original paper...) That is, their perception of distance is adapted to see things close to them when the forest is crowded with big trees and they don't see things far away.

I'm always aware of the fact that I'm from a subtropical concrete forest. Ever since when I was on the train in UK and later in Scottish Border when Ann and Bert took me everywhere, I keep thinking, I'm seeing the horizon. How far is it actually? And not to mention about the horizon in the Egypt desert, the Mediterraneon Sea in Greece and the Silk Road.

I got to find the time and think about where to go in Christmas.

September 15, 2005, 11:01pm

It's a hawk! Awsome!!! Have you seen any hawk standing on the ground? It's just because I couldn't catch it flying...

Well, it's a long day every Thursday. I have classes until 7pm. I was actually in the parking lot waiting for the GatorLift to take me home. Then, this god-like creature was landing... on the grass.

So, I couldn't miss this chance to record this moment of wonder. I saw it landing! And it pondered around for some seconds. I wanted to go closer. You see, it's just a digital camera and I don't have the tele-lens sufficient to take a photo of birds.

Well, it flew away for sure when it's not comfortable I was so close. So, I had to magnify the photos here or I'll just be able to show you a small dot in a patch of green.

I showed the photos to Cindy, the GatorLift driver. I thought it's an eagle but she said it's a hawk. OK, I simply don't know. Whatever, it can be god anyways.

Then she said, she saw hawks getting rats and snakes. "You saw it on TV or you really saw them?"

"I saw them in my backyard," said she.

I really need to think about spending more time sitting in my backyard.

September 15, 2005, 3:29pm

I want to write about the squirrels many times but every time when I begin to write, I just keep writing something else. So, right now I'm waiting for the GatorLift to pick me up for classes. Let me grab this time to tell you the beauty of the squirrels. At least I find them really beautiful.

Squirrels are everywhere here and I see them everyday. Well, I saw a lot of them in London too. But like, about one month ago, I was simply struck to see a squirrel jumping from the ground onto the trunk of a tree. Probably a pine tree, where they find food.

Its streamline body and the long tail made a posture so striking to the extent that, to me, it's like the gymnastic athletes in Olympics. That is, like the moment when the athletes jump off the ground, spread their legs apart at the highest point, their bodies would look as if they stay in the air and fly momentarily.

I remember I usually thought people actually can fly at least a little bit before I learnt Newton's Second Law, that we are subjected to gravity and we simply wouldn't be able to stay in air no matter how high we jump. (Well, at the highest point when v=0, probably it's kind of staying in air momentarily theoretically.)

When the athletes do look like they fly a little bit, it's just an illusion. At least my physics teacher said so. Well, I don't know if he's correct. (Sister Yuk, what do you think?)

Now, I don't need to wait for the Olympic Games every four years and sit in front of the TV to see this illusion of wonder. I am able to enjoy this beauty of illusionary flying if I just take a chair outside my apartment, sit there and wait.

Yesterday I actually saw one of the World Beauties and Olympic champions combined, wagging its tail like mad on the trunk of a tree. Almost like the helicopter.

I'm beginning to doubt that perhaps the squirrels can actually stay in the air momentarily even though they are also subjected to the gravitational force. Planes fly too. Why not the squirrels with their frantic tails? Olympic athelets don't have a tail to help them. Perhaps squirrels are very proud of their powerful tails, who knows.

September 11, 2005, 11:31pm

Four years ago around this time, like many other people, I was watching the TV and wanted to know what's going on in the World Trade Center. But it meant more to me because on September 12, I had to fly to London for my master's. (Carmen, I don't know how we made such a bold decision.)

Now, here I'm going for my PhD. It took me four years to walk this small step. I want to say, I'm trying to embrace every moment here.

I was doing the laundry this afternoon. Just like last week. When it's done, I carried the huge bag of cleaned clothes back to my apartment. I was feeling, this just can't be better. It's the clear blue sky and I'm here alive to enjoy this very moment. I feel I'm so blessed.

I want the endless sky. So many times when I was in the Faculty of Medicine, HKU, looking out of the pantry window overseeing Lantau Island and Lamma Island, I promised myself, I want a wider sky. And I finally made it.

I want very much to share my joy with everyone of you. Without you, I won't be who I'm. I wouldn't be able to make it to this point. Thank you.

I remember Bert, my friend in Scotland, told me how excited he was every time he heard the plane flying when he was small. Planes were new inventions by then. (If I remember correctly, Bert is 86 this year.)

He would run out of the house and saw the plane above. Then he joined the Royal Air Force as a bomber pilot in World War II.

I was looking at his photos in his 20s when he's in the airforce. "How did you know how to fly the plane?"

He said, "I learnt to do it. They had classes to teach us how."

I hope I will never forget this lesson. Remember what you want to do. Find out the way and learn to do it. We can fly. (I want to fly too. But I don't want to fly a plane and kill.)

September 10, 2005, 6:50pm

I tried to press the buttons in numerous ways to put the letters on the screen. And of course, I failed.

I had a problem with the phone. I had no idea how to dial the number, well, not the number, the letters.

Got my check card from the bank and had to activate the card by phone. OK, it's a series of numbers and letters. What to do with it?

I looked into the phone manual and found nothing about dialing the letters. Went online and found something about the history of the phone numbers with letters and that the letters on the pad are arranged differently in Europe, blah blah blah...

I wanted to know how to dial the letters! So, I called Shirley for help.

The way to dial the letters is to dial the number corresponding to the letter. Say, helena, it's just to dial 435362. Why making the world so complicated!

You see, seems like everyone knows how. And no one ever would say "this is absolutely wierd!" but me.

Now, I finally know how and got to know the history too. :)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Telephone_exchange_names

September 9, 2005, 4:26pm

Hi, just as what has been since last year, I need to announce this: My M comes again!

You see, I will attribute my M problem to a psychological origin. Western medicine doesn't help. Chinese medicine helps a little. And now, when I'm away from Hong Kong (well, I miss you all though) and my sick family, my M is functioning again.

I'm so happy. It's only late for nine days. (Twiggy, you remember how many times I counted the weeks and months when it's late.)

But I'm having M pain... Well, according to the stringent Chinese Medicine standard, pain on the first day is normal. (Sophia, would you please double check with Dr. Chan? I read his book on gynecology... But I can't remember what about pain on other days...)

It's like, it's more painful when I'm back home... I didn't feel so distracted when I was in my office and the library. I can't concentrate on the readings... Or is this only an excuse to have a break? :D

September 8, 2005, 1:18pm

Faculties and graduate students outside the Psychology Building, UF. By Jim Yousse.

I mean to write about the wheelchair inaccessibility of my office for days but I just keep forgetting. So, let me just grab several minutes to write before I get drown in the pile of required readings for the discussion at 4pm.

Well, yes, there's the wheelchair access in the building and I take the elevator every time because my office is on the 5/F. Well, five steps would be fine. But it's 5/F! So, the knee pain might trigger a suicidal thought when I tried to reach the 5/F by the stairs yet I might feel devastated only on the 2/F.

There're four or five steps to climb up to reach my office door when I walk pass the reception desk. Yes, it's just a few steps up and I can manage that. But hey, why are the steps there in the first place? Decoration? Interior design? Did anyone take into account of a wheelchair or a pair of impaired knees?

I mean, I can accommodate the steps but not everybody with a mobility problem can. I just want an answer. Why are they there!

September 4, 2005, 8:36pm

This afternoon I was busy with the laundry and ironing. Sounds ordinary, mandune, routine to you? Let me tell you what I feel.

I have longed for crisp straight clothes since very small. My mother just wouldn't do ironing. At most once a year. I bet she didn't do any ironing at all in the last three years when I lived with her. I really wanted crisp straight clothes when I saw other kids' school uniforms... later my colleagues' shirts or blouses.

Anyway, she kept anything that might be termed "motherly" in her territory: cooking, washing, cleaning, ironing etc. And I'm not to do it no matter how bad she's doing or if she's not doing it anyway.

She kept these into her territory, so that when she's mad, she could scold me for not doing all these and to say that how much sacrifice she had had to do the cooking and washing. Other times it could be a threat that she's not washing my clothes anymore.

Well, I wanted so much to soak the damn flat with bleach during Sars. But she just wouldn't do it. That it smells bad. And that could be why I feel secured just with the smell of bleach.

So, last week when Shirley found the iron and ironing board in the yard sales, I was thinking, wait, am I really to do it? Can I? (BTW, the used iron was only $5. Can't remember how much the board was...)

Of course I can. I just did it this afternoon. I just have to iron my formal dressing clothes for my class. Can't look the same as the undergraduates with wrinkled and bulky t-shirts. Well, to look professional is more than to do ironing, I suppose. But this is just one of the things that I need to do anyway.

I observed Ann (my friend in Galashiels, Scottish Border) and Mr. Chong ironing many times. After three years since my visit to Galashiels, I finally put my observation into application. You see, we learn by modelling indeed.

I just wanted to iron my shirts and pants many times in the last three years. I had to go to work and wanted to at least look neat. But I just decided not to ask that sick woman about where the iron and the ironing board were. Just in case she's provoked one more time and I'd be in the blame for no reason. When she's mad, it's just me to suffer, though this happened nearly every other day for the last three years.

Well, could be that it's unfair to her when I didn't even ask. But so many times I asked for anything so trivial, it's only terrible consequence. Other times when I just didn't ask and I did it myself, Chinese medicine boiling for instance, she would be scolding and scolding with no reason and without end.

So, here I'm, indulging my OC traits. I need a sharp, crisp line even in my socks. It's like, I'm healing myself.

September 2, 2005, 12:19am

We talked a lot about Piaget in the develomental class discussion. He studied biology and was particularly interested in mollusks before his studies in child development.

Well, I did kept several mollusks when I was study F.5 biology. I wated to see if I could make an equilibrium -- ecosystem -- in a sealed glass jar. Obviously I failed because the mollusks turned out to eat so much weeds and more...

Anyways, I kept them long enough that they layed eggs -- bright red, very frightening color. They made hundreds or thousands of eggs at one time. Most of the eggs matured but the big mollusks ate their own babies.

I still can't figure out why. If evolution theory is correct, how can this creature survive when they don't even recognize their own babies and eat them? It's even more terrible if they indeed recognize their own offsprings and decide to eat them anyways. If this is the case, they should extinct.

You see, it's usually seen as a product of evolution that human babies are born so cute in adults' eyes. They have to be cute to attract adults and adults have to be attracted to babies so that the species go on.

The baby mollusks were very cute in my eyes. They're only 2mm in length and the shell was so thin that they're transparent.

The other thing about the mollusks that struck me was that, they layed eggs but I still don't know how they made it. The volume of eggs was like half of their body size. I didn't see any hole in them for the eggs to come out. I'm sure a hole must be there but I just couldn't see it.

I was so puzzled that I looked into books but only found that some mollusks were asexual and others are hermaphrodite. I didn't remember seeing any anatomy of mollusks showing their sexual organs anyways and I'm never into dissection. So, this remains a mystery to me.

So, that could be how I began my interest in gender. Just a coincident that I happened to have a similar taste with Piaget. Just weird.