August 30, 2005, 9:14pm

Qi zi is for good vision and anti-aging. What about long yan and honey date?

I should be reading the loads of papers and prepare for Thursday's developmental class discussion. But I have an urge to write about the soup I made this evening: qi zi, long yan, honey date and pork. It's marvellous!

I mean, I just can't imagine that one day, I'm really cooking. Remember I worried so much about cooking when I was in Hong Kong? I need to thank many of you here: Psyche, Auntie Choi, Mrs. Chong and Lillian. And Wendy and Prisca, the recipes are here... but can I read them over the semester break?

Why is it everything I made has the similar color here? Is it the light? This is baked chicken thigh in case you think it looks like the same as the fish fillet I made last week.

August 29, 2005, 11:16pm

I've finally achieved 10.5lb, 15 minutes, each leg! January now seems to be so long ago when I couldn't even lift my own legs. (Natalie, you remember my hard time even standing beside the snooker table?)

And Vincent, my physiotherapist at HKU, showed me the photo of a patient lifting 10lb and said this has to be my goal... I thought he's talking to somebody else.

So, here I'm, finally. Will need to keep doing 10.5lb for a while. Need to ask him what to do next. More sandbags? Or holding the weight longer?

I'm lagging behind of my readings... so far behind. Thursday will need to have a class discussion about cognitive development. (I have never formally taken a course in cognitive or developmental psychology.) Need to read a lot before I will have anything to talk about.

I spent an average of one hour cooking every day. Is that normal? Any way to shorten the time? Or should I just "practice makes perfect?" I need more time to study...

August 29, 2005, 12:15am

Just done with my physiotherapy exercises. Very tired. Still working on my 9lb schedule. Perhaps I should try 10.5 lb tomorrow. Hope things wo well and I won't develop swelling.

This morning I was in the Chinese church again. We were somewhere in the Proverbs about mothers to discipline the children and children will not make the mother be ashamed.

Then the mothers talked a lot about to get their kids to do their assignments. That they want to watch TV and go out with friends, then scream and yell when the mothers don't approve until they finish the assignments.

So, I rasied the question about primary motivation and secondary motivation. Well, in my humble understanding, primary motivation is that, you enjoy doing what you're doing. It's rewarding to do what you do on its own. E.g. enjoy doing assignments and learning. Whereas secondary motivation is that, you enjoy the rewards after doing what you may or may not enjoy doing. E.g. Grades, candy, going out with friends, fame etc etc.

Then, Shirley said, but when the kids just don't enjoy doing homework, secondary motivation works. I said, "I don't know. It's the theory."

I really don't know. Just that, educational psychologists seem to want to see kids to enjoy learning, intrinsically. I only remember the textbook to say that primary motivation is better but don't remember why it's better.

Then Shirley said, "It's the theory. You don't have any children." Then we all laughed. That's right. I just don't know. I already said that.

After that, we're in the New Hope Church. Steve, the pastor said, UF has knee experts. They study football players and they're one of the best experts. True. football is really a big thing here.

I said, "Yes, everybody is interested in football and they may not be interested in me. I don't play football."

Anyways, I was looking around the gym, swimming pool... last Wednesday. I wanted very much to hop into the squash court... Well, the only things I can do are stationary cycling and swimming (Well, my attempt to learn swimming in the last month before I left Hong Kong was not successful).

Should be fine with light weight and more repetitions with cycling. But swimming, the minimum depth in the pool I investigated is 1.4m. Very frightening. I need to think 200 times before I dive into it.

August 28, 2005, 3:05pm

It's only the first week of the semester and I already have two assignments due next week. Not to mention about the reading. And for the courses I've taken, I will have four exams for each. (I miss my time at LSE when there's only the final exam in May... Sophia and Carmen, what do you prefer?)

There will also be two papers or other assignments before the end of the semester. (Candace, you said Florida is not a place to study! It's for vacation!!! Now, I can only think of studying and no vacation at all...)

So, I have been working on the statistics. At the very beginning of the lecture, Prof. Algina began with the mean and standard deviation... I was thinking, am I going to do these again?

Just like when I was at LSE, they taught the theories of t-test, regression, cluster analysis and factor analysis. And I only had very limited applicatoin to use SPSS.

But then, Prof. Algina moved quickly to inference, confidence interval... Fisher's Z transformation and SAS... So, I will learn SAS in this course, for which I'm an idiot.

How exciting! Mean in the beginning then SAS programming in the end!!! I only saw the SAS screen when I was in HKU but I have never learnt to use it. So, I'll have to work very hard and learn more. It costs a lot to learn a little thing.

Actually I need to establish my tuition fee waiver but my department has a problem to do that. I just happened to see the deadline to pay fees next week and if I didn't ask about the waiver at the International Center... probably no one is going to tell me until I'm caught of not paying fees. I didn't even know that my department has not yet input my waiver status in the system. Come on, it's on my appointment letter dated in March. Why didn't they tell me their problem in the first place?

So, the solution is, to go to the Financial Services again tomorrow by 3:30pm. (They close at 3:30pm... and I was there at 4:30pm last Friday.) Money places are strange places. Why do they close earlier than other places?

BTW, I got the letter from the Social Security Administration yesterday, that I'll get my card in two weeks. Good news finally. I need the SSN to get through my payroll... Oh, stipend... $$$...

But you see, I applied for SSN for nearly a month already. If they're efficient, what have they done to check on me?

August 25, 2005, 9:37pm

Now, this little globe has been out of the rice cooker. Perhaps it really is a small world though it took me 20 hours to fly from Hong Kong to Gainesville. (Thanks, Lillian!)

I had the intake interview at the Counseling Center this afternoon. It turned out that the counselor is from Hong Kong! It's such a small world. :)

He went to study in Tai Wan and has beein the the States for years. So, I talked with him in Cantonese for one hour. I just feel it's so nice. I told him about my previous councelor and my problems with her, my family problems and my knee problem.

He was responsible enough to find me an article online about patellofemoral syndrome and tried to contact students from Hong Kong so that I can develop my network of friends here.

So, things go on well.

Well, I pan-fried this fish fillet. I don't actually know what this is... what is catfish? Why is it called catfish? Would there be sealfish, penguin fish then?

The problem is, the pan-frying irritated my eyes so much that my tears went on and on for 30 minutes. If I didn't attribute my tears to the fish, I'd think I had developed depression. (Psyche, do you think it's the garlic that I put together with the fish?)

BTW, let me tell you about the wonder of Gator Lift. It's almost like I have a team of personal drivers. I can give them my weekly schedule and they will make sure to arrange time to pick me up within the campus. I can also just call and wait for like 15 minutes and they'll pick me up.

Gil, the driver, said this morning, "You're always on time. I really appreciate that." I appreciate their servie a lot more. I mean, I need to go to class and need their help. Sure enough I'll be on time. But then, I'm here to receive his compliment. Perhaps I should really write a column or something for the medical faculties in Hong Kong. Or I should give them a kick in their ass. (Carmen, what do you think?)

August 24, 2005, 12:14am

Actually, I should have slept as I'll have my first class tomorrow at 8:30am. What's more, I'll be TA for the class. But I really need to write about the drama I had this evening or I may develop a repression.

It's a roach, a huge one. (Jamie, I got your email asking me about this in the morning. Then, the roach is here! You can do (mis)fortune-telling!) I was in the bathroom then I saw it lying on the floor bottom up, with its antennas searching.

I'm phobic about this creature since very small. I mean, I really had a trauma with it. So, I went to Du Lin, my temporary roommate, to see if she could help.

It turned out that she's not much beter than me in dealing with this creature and our fear of it. So, it took us 30 minutes to figure out how and then finally did what we could to get rid of it.

First, I tried to suffocate it with liquid soup. Somehow, someone told me long time ago that roaches are insects and they have holes on the body to breathe. So, if you put some thick, dense liquid on them, they can't breathe... This is the theory.

Well, theories are generalization. In reality, or at least in my experiment, the roach struggled violently when I put a drop of liquid soup on its stomach. Then, unexpectedly, it turned over with its back up and walked!

The theory doesn't work. I'm terrified.

So, we closed the bathroom door immediately and looked at each other. What should we do now?

After taking a breath of relief, we opened the door again and it's standing near the shower box. Now, what?

Du Lin covered the ugly creature wih a plastic and banged it a million times with the sweeper. Well, it's covered so we didn't know if she's successful in this attempt of murder.

So, I walked closer to the plastic bag, banged it for another million times. Then, this poor creature was smashed. Dismantled with its one leg separated. OK. What now?

I couldn't think. I had tears on my cheek. Yes, I know. I have object phobia. I need help. But clinical psychologists and psychiatrists won't be able to help at this critical moment.

I kept doing cognitive therapy all the way: It's dead. What the hack? When it's alive, you're carrying germs. Now, you're dead. I shouldn't be afraid of you. Now, you go to the Father in Heaven. I sent you to the Father...

After the exposure therapy (standing beside it) and cognitive therapy, I got two cardboards to use as chopsticks and put that damn thing on the plastic bag. But then, its one leg is still on the floor. So I struggled with the cardboard and finally the leg was with the body again.

So, finally, I put it in the garbage bin outside. I felt like to have a shower. And I actually sprayed the cleaner with bleach on the floor and mopped it before my physiotherapy exercise.

So, this drama overrides all my other adventures today: my first time baking chicken thighs, my first time with GatorLift, my course registration and the effect of the joint supplement I got from Walmart.

Let me write about these later when I have my mood to. I'm just too anxious with the roach. I really see my need to see a clinical psychologist to treat my phobia. (Clinical psychologists, do I have any hope of recovery?)

August 22, 2005, 11:21pm

What about this face? I got it in a church sale for $1. It's for massage and for sure I'm trying it on my knees. It's quite painful...

I went to the counseling center and made an appointment . Will have an intake appointment Thursday afternoon. So, will let you know how it goes. (Lillian and Twiggy, I'm taking your advice seriously! Thank you so much.)

I'm a lot happier now than when I was in Hong Kong. Still, lots of stress to find my way in the campus and to adjust to my new roles. But I'm away from my family so life is a lot easier.

I rode my bike in the campus all day. Well, just not sure how I can be permanently disabled yet, I can still manage to ride the bike. Actually it's a lot easier to ride in the campus than outside... I tried yesterday afternoon and it's really too much for me to be in the busy streets. I was terrified. Good that I'm still alive.

So, I was around campus registering for courses, finding the textbooks, checking out the library, just everything. So, you can expect, my knees are very tired and swollen. And I made an appointment for Gator Lift tomorrow morning. Hope it's going fine.

Before I forget, really need to write about the textbooks. It's so expensive! I got two used ones and they cost me nearly $90!!! And for the textbook for the class that I'm the TA, it's a little bit more than $100... Good that I'll have a free copy as a TA. Just too good.

This place is so strange. I actually tried to find the books in the libraries first. But sometimes they don't even have the latest edition... and there may only be one copy of the book. Well, at LSE, students are not expected to buy books for themselves though they may prefer to. Required texts will have as many as 10 copies in the library to make sure students will have a chance to borrow. So, this is the US system...

I'm beginning to feel like, why on earth are people going to college? Well, it's a lot of investment. But I'm expecting a lot out of the university and myself.

August 20, 2005, 1:23am

The first pot of soup I ever made in my life! South date, walnet plus... what... I don't know the English name for that kind of nut... with pork. Said to be nourishing the brain. :)

This morning Shirley took me to Homossasa, about two hours drive from Gainesville. So, I was out of the city and to the countryside! I love it!!!

So many times I told myself, I just got to leave Hong Kong. I need a place where I can see the endless sky. I just love the clear blue, cloudless sky on the way.

We went there for Shirley's great nephew's baby shower (I hope I got it right. I always mix up nephew and niece.). Baby shower is the party to celebrate a new baby in the family.

After that, it poured. Lightnings, ponds on the road... So, I was in the countryside both in the blinding sun and the frightening stormy rain. It's a bargain, two extreme situations in one day.

I was stuck with my computer. Moved in my apartment yesterday afternoon. I was unpacking everything, trying to arrange everything and then re-arranging everything. And installing softwares for internet...

It went on OK though time-consuming. But then, DSL didn't work this evening. Promoted me to enter the password but it just didn't work. Called Bellsouth, the phone and internet company... but it's not the office hour...

So, I called Ling in CA for counseling. (Thank you so much, Ling.) And now, finally, I'm wired again and my HP printer is working after installing the Chinese driver from the HP Hong Kong website, instead of the CD accompanying the printer.


Now, the rice cooker doesn't work... So I can't make rice. And I made congee in a pot instead... Psyche, do you know why? Please help~~

All is OK though this place is so messy. Anyways, I'm just too tired and still have my physiotherapy exercises to go...

August 18, 2005, 8:56pm

We're in Rodney and Eileen's house this evening for dinner. They have a cat, a dog, a parrot and a baby parrot. This older parrot... he can say the cheers for the gators! The UF football team... Go Gators!!!

This afternoon I was in a TA workshop to learn about the media technology in the classroom. It's fascinating. Can't actually remember all the machine but let me try: a digital projector, an anologue projector, a computer screen that you can write on it (then what you write or draw shows in the big screen), a radio transmitter that students can have thir own remote controls to input their quiz answers and opinions (reports can be shown on the screen right away!), DVD/video...

Now, what am I going to do with all these technologies available? I don't know. I'm simply shocked.

When I first entered the lecture theater, I was thinking, how great, there're the sockets and plugs for a notebook and internet connection for each seat for the students. Then, I was introduced to all the other machines one by one.

Now, I'm having a cultural shock of education technology. I still remember the time when I taught my general psychology class in Tai Wai for the School of Continuing Studies, CUHK, that I had to book the TV for my classes (no TV if I didn't make the booking) and they had to have an officer to push me the TV set every time before classes...

It does pay to see the outer world, to see all kinds of possibilities.

August 17, 2005, 6:40pm

I had my knee protections and helmet. Rode 45 minutes. Exhausted probably because of anxiety.

I'm in the New Hope Church again for the Wednesday meeting. Very full after the supper.

This morning I met Lauren briefly to talk about my TA role for her in the coming semester. And great news! I'll teach at least one class in the developmental psychology class. And if I like, I can teach two lectures!!!

Then, I was in the orientation for psychology graduate students. I didn't count but there're more than 20 of us. Most of them do counseling psychology. Good to see so many new faces in one day.

After that, Shirley and I went shopping... yes, again. It's everyday work for nearly three weeks already.

Several times in the TA orientation, it was emphasized enough that TAs are in the mid-level between students and faculties. And first impression is very important and I need to look different (well, mature and professional...) from the students. So, here I go... to the mall.

I tried to get the smallest of the petite clothes here, which is a big pain. You see, I haven't got even one piece of my formal or smart-causal clothes with me. I was thinking when I was packing my stuff, Florida is causal. It's not London, black and stern.

Anyways, students here are very causal. Just that I have two roles... so, here I go... shopping again. I only got one pair of pants and four tops. Just wouldn't be enough for next week as I'll have classes on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for the developmental psychology class at 8:30am. And I haven't got any shoes to dress up... so, need to continue shopping.

I also rode the bike for 45 minutes. My first time in 1.5 years. I was panicking every time I saw the traffic. Anyways, I could turn today though not very skilled. (Leanne, thank you so much!) So, I'll need more practice.

Now, my knees are very tired and my ITBs are very tightened up. But I guess, if I walked for 45 minutes, they could only be worse. The problem right now is that, the impact on my knees when I need to stop is hurting my knees. And I just panic when the cars are moving in front of me, behind me, beside me... I got to practise more and develop the confidence to ride.

August 16, 2005, 10:55pm

I've survived the TA orientation finally. Very exhausted after that and I walked 20 minutes to the Disability Resources office to present my letters from the orthopedics and my physiotherapist.

Rick, the officer, gave me priority registration right away without me asking (Mark, thank you so much for your insider information!). But he also said this might not be very important for a graduate student. I'm also entitled to an in-campus mini-bus service called Gator Lift, which operates from 7am-11pm, to take me from building to building.

Let me also explain about the Gator this and that. UF people are called and identify ourselves as Gators. The alligator is the UF mascot and Florida has many alligators around after all though I haven't seen any yet.

Rick emphasized many times that the Gator Lift exists because of us, people who need it, and we just call to let them know our schedule. They will then pick us up. I asked if I should arrange the lift on a daily or weekly schedule (Donna, you see, I'm so accustomed to the bureaucracy in the universities in Hong Kong.).

He said, just call. You can give them your monthly, weekly or daily schedule. Just call the driver and let them know when and where to pick you up. Or you can just call on the day and ask if they can pick you up later that day. They're busy but they exist because of us.

As a teaching assistant, I'm an employee of UF. So, I'm also protected by the Americans with Disabilities Act, ADA. So, if I have any problem concerning my knee problem as a student, I go to DR. For problems related to my role as a TA, go to ADA. I'm amazed.

Now, I'm beginning to recognize why there is Prof. Stephen Hawking in Cambridge (and Prof. Morrie Schwartz too, in the Brandeis University. Highly recommend: Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom) and not any single comparable figure in the universities in Hong Kong. Well, for innumerous times I encourage myself to think about Stephen Hawking when I was at HKU looking for alternative ways to minimize the steps that I had to walk.

When I was in Hong Kong, I was the problem. Sick leaves, physiotherapy, no steps, no long walk, no heavy loads... When I was working in the Prince of Wales Hospital, I had ot go to the CUHK campus for acupuncture and physiotherapy. When I was at HKU Faculty of Medicine, I had to go from the faculty to the main campus (which is far away without a car) for physiotherapy.

What's more, the HKU buildings are stupid and sickening enough to have "wheelchair access" at the doors but I just couldn't find anyway to get to the front door without climbing up or down the long or short steps.

And I cannot complain enough about the PWH orthopedics. They exist not because of us. They exist to be worshipped. That's what I've been thinking every time I step in teh HKU Faculty of Medicine building and PWH.

Why are they there? Without patients and taxpayers, how can they be there? And yet, I faced rejections for my simplest letter requests and questions about joint supplements. Everytime I asked any question about anything, it's like I was begging or robbing them. The PWH doctors simply don't seem to remember that I have contributed to get them paid.

BTW, I've found loads of joint supplements in Walmart. I got one 100-tablet bottle already. I have my anger in my belly to feel like to kick their ass. Once, the PHW physiotherapy receptionist even shouted at me when I registered too early. I don't remember how many hours before my appointment. Probably two hours. But what's the point to shout at me? Am I there to know everything about their bureaucracy? If there's no patient, they simply don't worth as much as shit, which can be fertilizers.

Anyways, without those sickening people, I wouldn't be able to appreciate the very people who lend me their helping hands, both in Hong Kong and in Florida.

So, I will have to see Rick again next week when classes begin, to report about how I'm doing by then. He emphasized several times that I had to take care of myself. That if it helps if I walk a bit and do physiotherapy exercises when I sit too long, just go ahead and do it. Get a chair and sit at the corner. Do it if it helps.

See, I'm not the problem. I take care of myself. Those people who don't cooperate, they're the problems. So, what do we do with problems? We troubleshoot.

I suppose this is the feeling of empowerment. Anyways, I just need to appreciate the bad experiences I had in Hong Kong, to teach me how bad things and people can be. And now, I also get to know how things are possible. It's more than about the wheelchair access in every UF buildings. It's also about the attitude.


BTW, I rewarded myself for finishing the TA orientation by getting a pile of STA travel brochures. Needless to say, they were on my back all day. Very heavy. But I do have a feeling of hope. Even with bad knees, I can still go wild.

August 15, 2005, 10:47pm

It's a very long day after three orientations: graduate students (9:00am-10:30am), international students (10:45am-11:15am) and teaching assistants (1:00pm-3:15pm).

My knees are now swollen, after the 15-minute walk to the library during the lunch break, with the piles of orientation materials on my back. Of course, I had to walk another 15 minutes back to the ballroom for the TA orientation after the break.

Ever since my preparation for GREs, the PhD process has been like, oh well, another pile of paper to work through again? The GRE bulletins, TOEFL bulletin, TSE bulletin, GRE prep., PhD application forms, offer letters, immunization, tax documents, visa application... I have probably missed out a lot.

Then, as a graduate student, I got a handbook. As an international student, I got a folder of stuff. And as a teaching assistant, I got a huge folder of handbook and other stuff.

Undoubtedly, I'm supposed to study them: guidelines, regulations, calendar, deadlines... They don't just give out print materials. I have a CD rom too.

Well, I have met several people looking at me, as if going for a PhD is going for a travel tour. Fun. Pure fun. One even goes so far to say (I'm not going to name that person here), you need a husband. You don't need a PhD. You have studied enough. You got a master's already.

Now, look at these piles of policies, guidelines and handbooks. This is the beginning of what I have got: being a graduate student, an internation student and a teaching assistant.

I'm not whining about the task to study these documents. I know it's essential for me to know how to get things done in a totally new environment, education system and workplace. I just want to show that it takes a lot to get here and to get a lot from here. You see what is expected of me. It's hard work.

I didn't finish Edward Said's Representations of the Intellectual. But in my experience, I have been viewed as an unrealistic dreamer or a deviant who do not conform to the social norms to get a husband and "give him a baby." Well, I was not even asked if I want to have a baby. This is seen as what I must do. No alternative. No objection. No say at all.

I was also viewed as being "out of touch" from the world -- Well, what is this world and whose world is it? -- that I wanted to "pick the stars."

Well, look at these piles of stuff in front of me. I suppose you got to be realistic and practical enough to be able to manage your time and organize yourself to make the time and study them. And for those people who do not have any experience in the graduate school, how on earth that they can devalue this potentially gratifying and rewarding experience? What's worse, to find or create faults in people who decide to pursue this path?

I got to stop here and work on my physiotherapy exercises. I need to be in the ballroom for another day for the TA orientation, 8:30am-3:15pm, tomorrow.

August 14, 2005, 11:34pm

Amah... American version of Chinese.

After the church meetings this morning, Shirley and I went to my apartment to do the washing and cleaning.

Now, my obsessive compulsive traits have developed to an advance stage, I think. I need absoulate cleanliness. Spotless. Odorless.

Ever since Sars, I have associated the smell of bleach with disinfection. I just feel a sense of security with the smell of bleach in the kitchen and the bathroom. So, my sense of security is relatively cheap to get. Just several caps of bleach down the drain. Then I feel it's clean.

Shirley got a doll in the yard sales yesterday and I realized that it's Amah, the domestic helpers in colonial Hong Kong. Shirley said, it's the American version of Chinese. Hm, the Chinese version of Americans got to be Mr. McDonald or the Cola Bear.

Good enough. The Amah wears shoes, not with her feet binded.

This evening, we went to the Lake Forest Baptist Church for a gathering to gather up several churches in the east of Gainesville.

Great music! Not the kind of hymns in St. Paul's or Westminster. It's sxophone, black music and guitar. Fun.

I begin to feel like, churches here have so many interactions between the people on the stage and those on the floor. At least, apparently there're the responses from the crowd. Whereas in the UK, people teach a lesson or the choir sings. Black children in the choir would sing traditional hymns in St. Paul's. But here, black choirs would praise God in their ways and in their preferred kind of music.

It's like, the splendid architectures and divine music in the UK churches made me feel a greatness beyond me. But here, I think it's the people involved who matter more.

Tomorrow 9am will have to be in the orientation for graduate students. Got to do my physiotherapy exercises and have good sleep.

August 14, 2005, 12:26am

Done with my straight-leg exercises. 9lb, 15 minutes each. Finally approaching 10lb. Hope I'll be able to lift 10.5 lb next week.

Another hummingbird came to the backyard this evening and it stayed longer than the last one did. Perhaps this is the same hummingbird? I can't tell.

I was amazed. This little creature actually flies like a helicopter. Life is really a wonder.

It's Saturday so Shirley, Pam and I went for the yard sale craze again. We also went to the Wesley Union Methodist Church and the Dove Church for utensils and furnitures. The Westside Baptist Church had a sales for international students and I got a file cabinet there.

So, now I have almost everything I need: a desk, blankets... I begin to need to think where to put all these stuff in my apartment.

Got an Outdoor backpack in the Wesley. It looks almost the same as my schoolbag when I was 18. Time just flies when we look back.

August 9, 2005, 5:10pm

Auditorium. This is one of the few buildings in the historical district.

I found the Johnson & Johnson tape in Walmart! It's right there. Now, when my Strappal tape is used up, I can easily find a replacement for my knees.

It took me one year and four months since my knee pain began, to be introduced to McConnell's knee taping in the Prince of Wales Hospital. This just works so well for me unless I have the tapes on me too long that I develop allergy.

The idea is simple. The tapes help hold my knee caps in place. It was so frustrating before I tried on this taping technique and acupuncture. Nothing had worked to reduce my pain. The doctors in CUHK gave me pain killers that didin't work. Done various physiotherapy treatments: laser, interferential therapy, ultrasound, electrical stimulation... just a showroom of equipments that look professional but don't work.

I was also instructed to do exercises but my knees were in such pain that I could hardly walk. I just couldn't lift up my legs. Then I was introduced to knee taping but it's nowhere to buy the 3M tape. I called the 3M salespeople but they could only gave me a sample because they only had businesses with the hospitals and healthecare institutes. No retail.

The Physiotherapy Unit at the University of Hong Kong has Strappal to sell, which is a German brand. It works even better than the 3M tape. Vincent, my physiotherapist, actually told me the name of this technique so that I could look for information about it online and in the medical libraries.

Yes, I was very privileged to have access to the two medical libraries in Hong Kong. (I could go to PolyU for physiotherapy stuff too though I didn't.) Compared to the average people I met in the Prince of Wales Hospital, I guess, I could have access to journals, books and Strappal but most of them don't.

Actually, most of the time I didn't know what I was reading. I can understand the research design and get to know which technique works better. I just can't remember the knee anatomy. And I simply don't know how to do the techniques, even though sometimes there're pictures in the books. But at least, I have a starting point and I can ask my physiotherapists.

But you see, Johnson & Johnson, another brand that produces knee taping, has their tapes right in Walmart. You just don't need to be associated with the universities to have access to knee tapes. The tape and the technique can be accessible to everyone and not only the privileged. And why make things like this a privilege in the beginning? It's about to minimize people's suffering!

Hm, anybody will consider to do social policy of health? I would recommend LSE social policy.

Today, Pam, Ross (Shirley and Larry's son, that is, Pam's husband), and Shirley helped me to set up my apartment. I was actually doing the move-in inspection to record the tears adn damages in another room. Everything was set up when I came back: the bed, the fan, the bookshelf, the table... just everything.

The remaining things I have to do is to wait for my social security number and the card. Take the tests and learn to drive. Or at least I will have to try on a bike and see how my knees react. I'll only try when I find the knee protection equipments. Just in case I fall. I can't imagine my knees to hit the ground. I just couldn't kneel for 1.5 years.

August 12, 2005 2:07am

Got to keep up and maintain my momentum. Or I'll begin to procrastinate and not write. Actually I have been with my computer for 60 hours already. I just couldn't find the time to update my blog.

I disappeared for days, not that I didn't want to write, I was bluntly stopped because my HP didn't work. It's got sort of invaded by websites that make me to download and install their softwares. Come on, programmers make softwares to make a living. How on earth there could be softwares coming to me for installation?

I declined but still, my Windows couldn't boot up. So, I had to panic. I couldn't install Symantec Internet Security OEM and for like a lifetime, I reinstalled Windows three times. Then Symantec works again.

Still, good enough that Larry helped me with the reinstallation. He advised me to get Spybot and Drive Image. So, I was there looking around, comparing different adwares and backup softwares.

Anyways, my part is almost done. Need to wait for replies from teh software companies until I decide which one to buy.

School is only four days away and I will need to find a way to reduce the risk and damage of this sort of tragedy to happen again. I can't imagine myeslf spending 60 hours to go through the installations during the exams. Let me check out for the counseling services. I may need help to manage computer breakdown anxiety. (Mark, please help~~~)

The other day, Shirley said it should be aluminum and not aluminium. She didn't know why British people said aluminium when there's no "i" between "n" and "u." True, there's no "i" there in the Coke can she showed me.

But ever since I learnt Chemistry, it's aluminium. Al, atomic number 13. I was thinking, perhaps the Coke can is made of an alloy and not the element Al? Then, I just found in the web that it's spelled both aluminium and aluminum. How confusing. So, what about platinum and titanium?

August 12, 2005, 9:26am

As I didn't write in the two days when I was in a panic with my computer, I have a need to compensate and write more. Just record what happened when things comes up into my mind again.

I saw a hummingbird in the backyard! I'm about to fall in love with Florida!!! It's a little greenish one.

Shirley just happened to find a hummingbird attractor last Saturday in the yard sale. It's only one day after she put the sugar solution with red dye in the yard and here's the little honey coming. Fantastic! Magnificent!!!

I was just thrilled to see the hummingbird, as much as I saw the black-faced spoolbill near Mai Po 2.5 years ago. (Winston and Frankie, that was an unforgetable moment.)

Xu Xiake (1568-1641), the Chinese geographer and traveller, went all over China and studied the rivers, rocks etc, things that I have no clue about. Well, the important thing to me is that, we may be from teh same ancient family! (Xu and Chui and different translation of the same surname.)

The sad thing is, I can understand Bill Bryson's travel writing but not Xu's. It's the old-style Chinese, which is said to be of very high literature and science values. What's worse, he had leg problems after years of travelling. Then he died. Oh, my knees. I want to get well again.

August 12, 2005, 10:10pm

I bought a bike today. I'm not quite sure if I can actually ride to school with my current knee condition. It's just not well after I tried the bike for only 30 seconds. But I just got to have something as I still haven't got my social security number. So, I can't take the online courses to learn about substance abuse and driving. No test either.

Got the used bike for $49.9. Then the accessaries cost more than that: knee protection, helmet, front and back lights, and the U-lock. But you see, my safety and my knees worth much more.

Now, I'm in a state of anxiety. (Clinical psychologists, I need help!) I actually rode the bike only a very little bit to have a feel before I decided to get it. I forgot how I could turn! Or I was too anxious about my knees and I just couldn't turn. Just need to see what's going to happen. Will need to practice riding.

Went to the Dean of Student's Office and asked about disabilities resources. Made an appointment to talk about it next Tuesday afternoon. I was actually asking about temporary disability but the officer there asked how long I had had my knee problem. I said 1.5 years. He said, this is permanent disability as it's already over one year.

My heart sank. He said, "It's nothing bad about it." I don't know how he can say that as he's in the wheelchair himself. Anyway, Shirley said I just don't like the words "permanent disability." But it's just how they classify it and I may actually get some services that I will need. I hope so.

How can my knee problems to be "nothing bad about it?" It can hurt so badly at times. And the bike...

Shirley, Larry and I went to the Bible study in the Gainesville Chinese Christian Church again. Hm, is this redundant? Is there any church that's not Christian? I don't know...

This evening, a bunch of new Chinese students came. Like a dozen of them, all speaks Mandarin but Christy, who's from Guangzhou and speaks Cantonese. (Of course, she speaks both Cantonese and Mandarin. I know I know, it's my problem. I just don't learn Mandarin well.)

I actually bumped into her earlier this afternoon when I left the computer helpdesk to reset my email password. Then she came to me and asked if I could help her call her friend in the public phone. I couldn't. That phone just didn't seem to work and later she found another one. Anyways, she's the first student I met who speaks Cantonese. Good. Very good.

August 8, 2005, 10:10pm

I took many photos today to keep a record of the damages and worn-out stuff in the apartment. I have opened an album for this purpose: http://www.imagestation.com/album/index.html?id=2122580344

Finally, I can see the virtue of the US A4 paper. I was shopping for stationeries at Walmart and realized that the binders are smaller!

I have been very puzzled with the different sizes between the US and the UK (and Hong Kong) A4 paper since I have been getting letters and stuff for my PhD applications. The US A4 papers simply didn't fit well into my folders. Now, I can find folders that will fit well with the paper. No puzzle anymore.

Shirley, Pam and I were rushing in the thrift shops and used furniture places to get me stuff. I got a big table to be used as my working desk. It is supposed to be a kitchen table but I just like to work on a big table. I also got a bookshelf, tablesets, a can-opener... you name it.

Thrift shops, I have been thinking why the charity shops are called thrift shops. Savings? Anyways, this big table with five chairs rolled to me, was like a cake falling from the sky. I didn't see anything I liked but then, the staff rolled this table in front of me, when I was standing there puzzling.

Instantly, Shirley and I were thinking, this is good. And the staff continued to roll out the chairs. This just couldn't be better. Then we saw the sign on the table: table with five chairs and it's only $39.99. So, I've got a good deal today. Shirley and Pam were joking that I should have a yard sale this weekend to sell it and make some money.

We then went to the Gainesville Regional Utilities to set up the utilities account. Electricity will run into my studio apartment tomorrow!

August 7, 2005, 5:16pm

Pine trees! Pine trees here are bigger and taller than those in CUHK. But hey, Chinese people are tough in the bones. Not in the muscles.

I have set my mind to study the course and credit requirements. So just let me write quickly about what happend today. I decided to write about my digital camera when I was trying to capture the clear blue sky and the pine trees outside the New Hope Church.

Digital cameras are one of the most ridiculous inventions that human beings create so far, I think. When I was outdoor in the sunshine, I simply can't see the picture in the LCD screen clearly to get to know actualy what I will capture. When it's dark or in the shade, the colours of the pictures captured are strange. Then the flash is just not sufficient to let me take a photo not shaking when I'm indoor.

Now, compare this picture I took when we came back for lunch before going to the Bible Broadcasting Network party, and the one I put here yesterday. That one was taken when it's rainning. Clearly, the camera works well only with sunshine but I simply can't see the dim picture in the LCD under the sun.

Perhaps this is why digital cameras need LCD screens. To let you know what you get after pressing the shutter. But come on, I know what I have taken with my film camera, before the photos are developed. I can see clearly what will be captured in the viewfinder and know exactly what exposure I set for that particular photo. And what's more important, I can have complete control of the zoom lens. The build-in zoom lens of my digital camera is just not as adjustable as the zoom lens of my film camera. How frustrating! I actually need to step back and forth to get what I really want to capture.

OK, enough complaints. If it's not that handy and simple to make my blog, I'll just consider this Samsung i5 the most worthless photography investment I made so far.

New Hope Church. I wanted to take a close-up of the dragonflies outside the church. Obviously, I failed or I'd put a photo here. Need more patience and time.

I went to the Gainesville Chinese Church for the Bible study with Shirley and Larry this morning (Don't be mistaken. I'm not a Christian/Baptist/Protestant). I just think, OK, see what I will get when they asked me to go. After this, we went to the New Hope Baptist Church for worship or something. I don't actually know what they call that kind of services.

In the afternoon, we went to a party to celebrate the 3rd anniversary of Bible Broadcasting Network, for which Larry helped to set up (www.bbnradio.org). All church stuff today.

I begin to feel, the Baptist churches here are so much similar to those fellowship meetings in my secondary school. I barely remember some of the songs they sang today. Everything is so simple, even austere.

Isn't it interesting that I was in an Anglican church kindergarten then I went to London and "discovered" the origin of the Anglican church that ran (I guess, it's still running) the kindergarten I went to. And now, I'm here to find out that the Baptist churches here are also so familiar.

Don't be fooled by this picture. I didn't frame the lake with the black clouds overhead. The lake just didn't look so blue and it's just the camera's will to make it this way. It was thundering and I was there for only three minutes.

On the way back from the BBN, we went to the Keystone Heights Beach. It's a lake, probably with alligators in it but I didn't see any. Then it poured (just like everyday) after a day of churches.

August 6, 2005, 3:59pm

People put up signs to attract yard sales goers.

Now, I'm finally catching up my blog with my diary on my notepad. Feeling a sense of achievement. :)

I need to confess. I need to find a prist and get into the box. I had french fries at McDonald's today!

I just don't feel well in my throat. Oh, I don't want sore throat. I'm feeling guilty. I haven't touched french fries for two years already and today, I had it for lunch. No way. I need to make a promise. I am not going to have french fries in the next four years.

Just had a glass of cane and imperatae beverage (one of the herbal tea), trying to get rid of my "hot air." I begin to feel like having the guilt feeling of people with eating disorders may have. I won't have french fries! Say No, be strong!!!

This morning, Shirley, Pam (Shirley's daughter-in-law) and I went to yard sales. They helped to get me lots of stuff: a floor lamp, a set of pans, a mug, rugs, a jumper... Basic necessities in an apartment.

I will get the keys for the lovely studio apartment next Monday so I need to get the stuff I need. Yard sales is that, people put their used or unused stuff in the front yards or garages to sell. It can be very cheap, like, I bought a jumper for only $1.

This is really fun. When I was in London, people donate stuff to the charity shops and others buy second-hand stuff. And here, most people have yard sales to get rid of their stuff and to buy cheap things. There's also a Salvation Army shop but Shirley said things there are much less good.

The difference to me is, yard sales is only in the weekends by the families but charity shops in London are there everyday by different organizations. The idea is similar, recycle and get things cheap. However, the main difference is that, money made in yard sales is not going to the charities.

I need to have another glass of cane and imperatae beverage. I just don't feel right. Very "hot air." I don't want to have sore throat.

August 5, 2005, 11:18pm

Shirley and Larry are out because their son has an emergency and is in the hospital for a surgery in his hand. Hope he will be OK.

Was sleeping then Henry (the cat in the house) came to me. Well, cats probably won't come to you unless they're hungry. So I gave him food but he's still following me. He even jumped onto my bed cooing. Strange.

Then I was in the bathroom blowing my hair and he went into the bathtub for water! OK, that must be the problem.

Once I read a cartoon about psychologists doing learning experiments to train rats. But from the rats' perspective, human beings (at least psychologists) are trained to give them food. When they push a button, lower a lever, run the maze... human beings "learn" to give them food.

So now, Henry is training me to feed him and give him water, to make this uncivilized human being to understand what he needs. He is not coming to me when he doesn't need me (no positive reinforcement). But when needs arise, he would jump onto my bed to coo. See, he went into the bathtub to drink water only when I was there. He wanted me to know and showed me the problem! When he's full, he simply rubs my leg and leave the kitchen. It's like he's saying, hey, thanks. I'm full. Now leave me alone.

August 5, 2005, 1:36am

I'm very health-conscious. Trying to take at least one of these herbal tea every day.

Just done with the straight-leg exercises: 8lb, 15 mins for each leg. All sweat but no pain, finally. I take this as an accomplishment. Hope no accident is to happen in the next few days and I will be able to move on to 9lb then 10.5lb. It's hard work!

This afternoon I applied for an apartment, $460 per month. Need to pay for electricity. It's an unfurnished studio. I fell in love with that little studio right away when I first saw it. I will take it!

Unfortunately, the estate company does't operate on the first-come-first-serve basis. The will rent their places to the "best qualified" person who apply. Sounds awful as I'm only a poor foreign student living on the meagre salary. Anyways, let's see if I can get it.

Met Prof. Scott Miller today to discuss about registration and courses. Really complicated as I can't clash my teaching assistant duties and the classes I'm going to take. Will only be able to learn about my teaching schedule next week.

Have been trying to file a petition to register for a statistics course offered by the Department of Clinical and Health Psychology. (It's a different department. I'm in the Department of Psychology.) I have to explain in great details about my need to take the course as it is designated to students of their own department only. Still more formalities to go before I can overcome those procedures. Well, they're just going to miss an excellent student if they decide not to take me. It's their loss, not mine.

Also, asked about a decal (the permit to park in the campus) if I get a scooter. Well, it's just all about money. So things should work out when I get the social security number and begin to take the driving tests.

Perhaps I should go to the disabilities section of the Dean of Students Office and ask for advice. It feels like I'm referred to go here and there and just don't know actually who's responsible for what. Well, anyways.

I'm used to the sort of "helplessness" to be sent away to here and there. I need to thank the training in the Department of Journalism and Communications (now, School of Journalism and Communications) back in the Chinese University of Hong Kong. It's all about frustrating experiences when I was a student reporter for Varsity. Whatever government department or organization I called for interviews, I faced rejection more often than not. Or they were interviewed but talked nonsense. The deadline for assignments was there and it was tough to find someone who's willing to help.

The lesson was hard to learn but since then, I have mastered the skills and attitudes anyways. Be persistent. Never give up until I find someone. It's just the same for my knees. I was sent to do physiotherapy but it didn't work well, so I go for Chinese medicine. With physiotherapy, I learn the exercises to strengthen my muscles. But I simply won't be able to lift my legs without accupuncture to relieve my pain. The orthopaedics physicians are just useless. Pain killers never kill pain yet the medication ruined my stomach.

The principle is similar. Find at least three parties of different backgrounds to make balanced reporting. With my knee problem, I just have to find the persons with the skills to help and are willing to help. Orthopaedics sucks. Yes, I say that. This is the angle of my reporting. Give me counter-examples in cases of patellofemoral syndrome if you don't agree.

Specialists. They think they're special and professional. Well, at the very best, I only expect them to write me letters for insurance or referral to physiotherapy. What have they done except to give me prescriptions that give me allergy and stomache? And what about an orthopaedic physician who refused to write me a letter? I beg she is illiterate or perhaps only a little better than being completely illiterate. Sucks more.

So, I find the solutions for my knee problems anyways and I adhere to my physiotherapy exercises and diet restrictions (from the Chinese medicine point of view). I'm sure I can tackle most problems that come to me, with persistence and self-discipline.

August 4, 2005, 3:34am

A corner in Shirley and Larry's home. (Anybody can help me find the English translation in the Bible?)

Sames as the days before, I've just done with my straight-leg exercises. Sweat all over and very tired. But it's like, the exercises produce dopamine (or serotonine? I forgot. Clinical psychologists, please help.) I'm feeling a sense of euphora, sort of the runner's high.

Today Shirley and I went to the driving license office to get a handbook (I'm supposed to study it and take the tests). Poor me. After the GREs, this is probably another difficult test for me.

Then we went to see the scooters. Well, anyone with knees of optimal condition won't survive here without a car or a scooter. Those imported from China are only $1000 and the used ones can be as cheap as $850. But I have no idea about the insurance. I kind of feel like, this can't be real. Can I really do the riding?

I mean, I'm used to be driven around. Pick the bus, get on it, stay in the crowd, wait, sleep and that's it. But now, I will have the entire share of responsibilities to get around. Get a scooter of a reasonable price, maintain it, pay for insurance, decide where to go, make plans, drive myself, watch out for traffic, observe the traffic, find a place to park...

This is like, what grown-ups have to do and I simply got away of the share of responsibilites while I was in Hong Kong. When options are limited, it's like, I was restricted and at the same time, I saved the energy needed to plan for myself and achieve goals. Now, every step is at my own hands and I feel that I'm the one solely responsible.

I also saw some more rooms and apartments today. I'll just have to begin making a checklist of the possibilities. I doubt if the ideal one would ever come. Well, I wrote my prayer and had it pinned down on the board in the Old St. Paul's Cathedral in Edinburgh. I was there before the classes for my master's began. I had a strong feeling of God's presence once I stepped in that cathedral. All peaceful. It's a sense of awe that I never felt before. I still think sort of a deity listened and I found the lovely room in London.

This evening, I was in a prayer meeting in a baptist church. Shirley and Larry were missionaries in Hong Kong for 30 years. It's the first time here I saw such a heavy rain. It's like yellow signal rain in Hong Kong, or should it be red? Lightnings and thunders. I think I only saw nightnings in the TV. But today, it's right outside the church window. (Well, not stained glass windows as those in St. Paul's or Westminster. Just transparent windows.)

I don't remember seeing lightnings in London or in Scotland though for surely I saw rains a lot. I only remember seeing a rainbow somewhere (Carmen, do you remember where?). I also saw a tiny rainbow in Scotland.

I simply didn't feel any pleasure to sit in the baptist church. People are nice but where's god? Perhaps I only like the splendid architectures? I miss the evensongs in Westminster and Southwark. There's no music in the church this evening. Prayers only. Perhaps god presents differently in different places? And I shouldn't expect god to be awesome to me all the time?

August 3, 2005, 2:10am

Look at this. The sandbags add up to 10.5lb!

I've just done with my straight-leg raise exercises. My knees are not as bad as yesterday though my right knee is still swollen as ever. I have returned to the schedule that I was able to do before the torturing economy class seat and Charlotte airport hiking: 6lb, 4 mins; 9lb, 5 mins; 10.5lb, 6 mins. Good enough. I'm expecting the swelling to go away soon.

Now, the University of Florida campus looks so much like the Hong Kong Polytechnic University to me. Red bricks. Not the red brick schools in the London style. But red bricks with... how to say, a modern design? Hm, PolyU design.

Well, the UF campus is neither awesome or awful. I just don't have any particular feeling to the achitectures. Places are spacious, tidy and clean. Just not like PolyU, dusty and noisy. I don't blame it. The cross-harbour tunnel is right next to PolyU. I think it's the best the estate office can do.

I tried to open a bank account at Wachovia but they requested for my social security number. Went to the SS office this morning again to give them a letter from the International Center to be added to my application. Just can't be sure if this is actually going to slow down or to speed up the application process. Anyways, I did what I was instructed to do.

Tomorrow I'll have to email Prof. Scott Miller to make an appointment and talk about my registration. I will need to find out the credit requirements and the list of courses available to take.

I will work hard, very hard, or as hard as ever. Probably if I do well, I will get an award or other kinds of funding next year. Things would definitely be easier with more money at my disposal.

Shirley drove me around to find an apartment. Two places are available and I have to decide which to take. Of course, I can continue to look around. I really like the small cottage with a patio but it's unfurnished. The rent is also higher than the other option. The other apartment with the guy with a nose ring doesn't give me a comfortable feeling. It's furnished but they are just kind of old and worn out. But it's cheaper and utilities are included. I'll just apply first and decide later. It just simply doesn't cost anything to apply.

August 2, 2005, 7:30am

I was invaded.

I have no idea why I wake up so early today. Just want to write about my luggages before I forget. They arrived yesterday morning when I was out at school for businesses. Larry waited for the airline people to deliver them and the two luggages were in my room when I was back in the late afternoon.

The small luggage was "inspected." Well, invaded may be a more accurate term to me. Actually the two luggages were already opened for inspection in the Hong Kong airport. Just some point in the transition without my knowing, the small one was "inspected" again.

The padlock was removed and the little metal end of the zipper was cut away. Well, I found a note inside saying that the luggage was inspected for passenger security. Does this make any sense? To break my security measures (my locks!) for the sake of passenger security. Was I a passenger then? My security was broken!

Anyways, can't imagine those poor people to find my sandbags and physiotherapy book chapters and journal papers on patellofemoral syndrome. I should actually thank them to delay my luggages and they were to be sent to me at the front door. I just didn't have to worry about pulling them around. The tradeoff is to have my locks damaged. Anyways, the locks can be replaced but my knees can't.

Front door of Shirley and Larry's home.

Let me also write down my second time shopping here: ultrathin, $4.24 including tax at Publix. My M is so very normal.

August 2, 2005, 1:15am


I promised myself to write after my physiotherapy exercises and it's now already another day. Done with straight-leg raise for today: 6.5lb for 15 minutes, each leg. Was able to do six minutes on 10.5lb before I left Hong Kong. But got to be realistic with the exercsies. The pain is there real.

It was hectic yesterday. Shirley -- my host here at Gainesville, and Larry too -- and I found our way to the Department of Psychology. I was instructed to go to the Social Security Office to get the number and the card. Things were not that simple. We waited for more than one hour and the officer there gave me a letter to say that I applied. No number. No card.

We went to Burger King for lunch before going back to the Department. Well, I know, it's "hot air" and not good for my body in the view of Chinese medicine. But I simply don't think it's anywhere to find steamed dim sum here on the way. So I had a whopper -- yes, it's beef, bad for inflammation -- and milk -- OK, it's cold and no good for "air." I didn't order the french fries and that's probably the only thing that I could do to protect my health mean while.

We got back to the Department of Psychology to show them the letter from the SS office. Then we went to the International Center to register. It's a pain to drive in the campus as various routes were blocked and parking was restricted -- so very restricted.

I had two holds to clear before I could register: insurance and immunization. The insurance company officer was not there so I went to the infirmary for the immunization clearance. Well, they should have a faxed copy of my immunization record already. (Thanks Reiko!) Just don't know why on earth it is not yet cleared. Or why did they ask the immunization record to be faxed to the health care center in the first place?

Anyways, I had to walk to the infirmary because the streets were closed. Map reading is really a survival skill and I finally got my immunization hold cleared after 15 minutes in the line of only two persons.

The campus is just huge to me. My left knee began to have the clicking sound again though the sound has gone for more than a week already. Perhaps I should have a real need to panic. My right knee is now as bad as ever. Swollen, painful and beginning to lose strength.

This place, I have to say, simply doesn't give me the sense of awe that I had in London. Not sure if it's because of the architecture or whatever. Gainesville to me is OK. Clean and tidy. The university is huge but I don't find the sense of awe that I found in the Chinese University of Hong Kong.

It's about the feeling that I fall in love with a place -- architecture, the trees, the sky, the water... or the shelves of books in the library. I love London the very beginning when I was in the London streets. I was very impressed by the architecture. The campus of the London School of Economics was disappointing but I had a sense of awe when I entered the library. Will find time to get my student ID card tomorrow and go to the library and see what sort of feeling I'll get.

I passed the Department of Journalism and Communication on the way to the infirmary. A mixed feeling began to rise. Where am I? Where will I be? I didn't even have psychology in my JUPAS university admission preference list 10 years ago. Now, psychology becomes my PhD program. I'm not to be a journalist though I was trained with the basic skills.

My decision today: get the most out of here. It doesn't matter much about where I go in the coming four years. Just go ahead and get the most out. Make days count.

In transit

Hi friends,

I'm trying to put my diaries here, dating back since July 31. Will catch up and update my posts soon.

Chicago airport. In transit.

July 31, 2005 9:43am HKT
Sitting in the cabin relaxed, finally. The seat is like just any other seats in the economy class. Yet, my swollen right knee is about to touch the seat pocket in front of me. Anyways, this is economy class and I don't expect to be able to do my straight-leg raise physiotherapy exercises.

Anyways, Chinese students have been going for studies overseas since more than 100 years ago. (Sophia, you fill in the exact number of years here!) Sailing on boats for weeks to places they didn't have any chance to see what it's like in the TV or the internet. Yet, they made it. I'm not going to do less good.

Nine years ago when I first heard of the term "global village" -- probably it's in the Mass Media and Society class by Dr. Chan Man -- I did not actually think about what the globe is and what a village is. Well, the impression of the term that has stayed with me is that, the world is getting smaller and people are about to meet each other like village people used to, through the advancements in communication technology.

To put it simply, that is, with the telegraph, telephone, radio, TV, internet, email, blog... people all over the world know each other as in a small village. Yet, sitting here in the cabin facing the challenge to sit for 20 hours doesn't seem to me that the world shrinks because of the icq or msn.

I'm going to the other end of the diameter of the globe. (Lillian, thank you. We discovered this fact. The little charming globe is still in my rice cooker and will probably stay there until I find an apartment. :DDDDD) Gainesville, where the University of Florida is, is like, I could reach there by digging a hole straight down from Hong Kong. I want so much to go away and incidentally, I have probably selected the university that is the most far away from Hong Kong, in terms of both distance and displacement. (Please go back to Form 4 physics for the differences.)

It still feels like far to reach the other end of the diameter of the globe though I'm already on the first plane of a total of three in my itinery. Hope my knees are going to make it to the end.

12:48pm HKT
Now, it's my M. It comes, only three hours on the plane! Well, this is expected though. I know my body's pattern. It's to react to events and less likely to be punctual in accordance to the abstract time. Perhaps to react to events is actually more adaptive.

Lights are out. It's "bed time." Yet I'm too excited to see my M coming. Can't sleep even though I only slept for three hours last night. My body clearly tells me that a PhD is what I want. A man? He's probably going to make me pregnant and I won't have M!

7:24pm HKT
My M is only a little bit of it. Is it that my body is in a hurry to produce M once I was on the plane? Then it didn't have sufficient time to produce the normal amount of lining and bedding?

My right knee is still painful and swollen. My left knee is all right. No complaint at all. So at least one knee is OK after months of treatments and exercises. Just finished 20 minutes of double-leg semisquats. As you see, I just can't do straight-leg raise here in the economy class. Couldn't do single-leg as my right knee just hurts so much. Did a bit of ITB stretching against the wall. (Anybody would like to know about the knee anatomy? VMO, VLL, ITB... )

Was trying to work on the acupoints that Dr. Lam used to punch me. That 3-inch point below the medial "knee eye" is killing me. Terrible. Don't know how I'll be like when I'm at Gainesville. I'm only nine hours on the first plane. Praying the rosary. (Thanks Twiggy!)

1:11pm Chicago time

Chicago time.

Now, I'm in a wheelchair. Was pushed from the first gate to the next. That is, I was pushed all the way through the immigration, baggage and custom. Nice trip.

The first time I was in a wheelchair dated back to a day camp in the secondary school when I learnt how to push a wheelchair -- a person in a wheelchair. I bet I wouldn't think that one day I would have to be pushed around by then. I remember I was asked to sit in the wheelchair to feel how it feels to be in a wheelchair. Probably we kids just raced around banging each other.

My right knee is all swollen and in dull pain. Very tiring. My left knee is still OK though I can feel that my handcarry luggage is beginning to hurt. Anyway, I'm here waiting for the second plane. I'm formally admitted into the US! Well, what a Chinese woman in a wheelchair with a PhD offer can do with a bomb?

Bai Xin Yong wrote "Death in Chicago" which is about a tragic story of a Taiwanese PhD student. He sank into the Michigan Lake the day after his graduation. He was trying to find a job and his mother died but he didn't go home for her funeral. He barely survived the master's and doctoral studies by working in the Chinese restaurant for six years. All dark and very sad.

What will I become in four years? I don't have a clue. Now I want a PhD but can't be sure if I will still want it four months later. I wanted to be a journalist 10 years ago. Set out to get into the department, succeeded yet I swore not to make a living in the field after my internship in the first year.

I made a dream happened and lost it in less than a year. Good enough that I didn't sink in Tolo Harbour.

Probably I wouldn't be able to tell what I'll become in four years. I didn't know I'd begin to want a PhD so badly when I was on the plane to London for my master's four years ago.

The plane is moving away from the gate, finally. I'm on the way again, whether it's in the wheelchair or by my own feet. Just got to move on.

9:12pm Gainesville time
After being in a wheelchair in Chicago, I had to do hiking in Charlotte. I arrived at Concourse A and had to walk all the way down to E26 -- E32 was the last gate. Then they had the gates changed and I had to walk back to E9 for the plane to Gainesville. Walking with my handcarry on my back for 20 minutes. My knees tell everything.

My two luggages are less lucky. They are somewhere else on earth. Just not here in the Gainesville airport. So, the first time shopping in the US -- underpants, 88C, Walmart. No tax for the back to school program.

McConnell's knee taping. Looks awful? It reduces lots of the pain.