August 4, 2005, 3:34am

A corner in Shirley and Larry's home. (Anybody can help me find the English translation in the Bible?)

Sames as the days before, I've just done with my straight-leg exercises. Sweat all over and very tired. But it's like, the exercises produce dopamine (or serotonine? I forgot. Clinical psychologists, please help.) I'm feeling a sense of euphora, sort of the runner's high.

Today Shirley and I went to the driving license office to get a handbook (I'm supposed to study it and take the tests). Poor me. After the GREs, this is probably another difficult test for me.

Then we went to see the scooters. Well, anyone with knees of optimal condition won't survive here without a car or a scooter. Those imported from China are only $1000 and the used ones can be as cheap as $850. But I have no idea about the insurance. I kind of feel like, this can't be real. Can I really do the riding?

I mean, I'm used to be driven around. Pick the bus, get on it, stay in the crowd, wait, sleep and that's it. But now, I will have the entire share of responsibilities to get around. Get a scooter of a reasonable price, maintain it, pay for insurance, decide where to go, make plans, drive myself, watch out for traffic, observe the traffic, find a place to park...

This is like, what grown-ups have to do and I simply got away of the share of responsibilites while I was in Hong Kong. When options are limited, it's like, I was restricted and at the same time, I saved the energy needed to plan for myself and achieve goals. Now, every step is at my own hands and I feel that I'm the one solely responsible.

I also saw some more rooms and apartments today. I'll just have to begin making a checklist of the possibilities. I doubt if the ideal one would ever come. Well, I wrote my prayer and had it pinned down on the board in the Old St. Paul's Cathedral in Edinburgh. I was there before the classes for my master's began. I had a strong feeling of God's presence once I stepped in that cathedral. All peaceful. It's a sense of awe that I never felt before. I still think sort of a deity listened and I found the lovely room in London.

This evening, I was in a prayer meeting in a baptist church. Shirley and Larry were missionaries in Hong Kong for 30 years. It's the first time here I saw such a heavy rain. It's like yellow signal rain in Hong Kong, or should it be red? Lightnings and thunders. I think I only saw nightnings in the TV. But today, it's right outside the church window. (Well, not stained glass windows as those in St. Paul's or Westminster. Just transparent windows.)

I don't remember seeing lightnings in London or in Scotland though for surely I saw rains a lot. I only remember seeing a rainbow somewhere (Carmen, do you remember where?). I also saw a tiny rainbow in Scotland.

I simply didn't feel any pleasure to sit in the baptist church. People are nice but where's god? Perhaps I only like the splendid architectures? I miss the evensongs in Westminster and Southwark. There's no music in the church this evening. Prayers only. Perhaps god presents differently in different places? And I shouldn't expect god to be awesome to me all the time?