December 29, 2007, 11:43pm
1. My neck and shoulder hurt like crazy. I cannot even turn to look at the back when I drive.
2. The skidding was so bad this afternoon. I was turning to the right, braking too hard. The car spun almost 360 degrees. Scary...
3. Had a nightmare... but not like those I had before. The old ones were repetitive. It's always mom's screaming and shouting. But this one is new. Dad was playing with a snake, the very poisonous kind... the cobra. He was showing that he could handle it no problem. But then the snake attacked him and made a hole through his neck.
No blood. It's like comic books that he got a hole in the neck. But he knew he's dying.
Well, I sort of woke up after this but I was not very scared. Well, the nightmare was unpleasant. But this simply cannot be real so this is not scary. How on earth it's possible to get a hole in the neck like that.
The nightmares of screaming etc were more scary because it's real. It did happen before. I don't need those insults anymore.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
December 26, 2007, 8:36pm
Time for a review of 2007, and set new goals for 2008.
From last year:
1. Driving -- Get on highway! Have more practice driving in snow
2. Swimming -- Find a class to learn freestyle
3. As in all coursework
4. More research work in the lab
5. I don't want to do teaching. Maybe I'll give a guest lecture or join a discussion panel in class
6. My knees -- Regular exercises in the gym
7. Health -- Make soup
8. Childhood memories -- Put trust in how adversities make me strong
9. Family -- Observe friends how they make a family
10. Maintain good spirit at work -- Time to get up from the fall in those dark three years. No self-pitying or self-blaming anymore
11. Travel -- Scotland
What I did in 2007:
1. I got on the highway. More than that, I drove in San Francisco too. Then drove in the mountains.
2. Didn't do anything about swimming.
3. As accomplished.
4. Well, I did as much research work as I could.
5. Gave two guest lectures and one discussion panel.
6. My knees are OK. They're still working.
7. Sure I make soup almost every week. Though I ate half a box of instant noodles during the finals week.
8. Well, I don't know. I don't have any nigtmare for about 2-3 months already. Not sure what's next.
9. Sometimes looking at other people's families makes me jealous. What then?
10. Sure I got good spirits at work. I love my work. :)
11. Travel: Utah, Arizona, Nevada, Scotland, Oregon, Wyoming, San Francisco!
For 2008:
1. Driving is OK. Got to keep up with it.
2. Want to try yoga. Will look at the rec center schedule and see if I can join some classes.
3. Well, I'll have four courses next spring. If I can get them all passed, that will be great. But I'll still aim for As.
4. Got to get two manuscripts out!
5. Will teach a class in fall, 2008.
6. Will keep up with exercises. Hopefully yoga will help too.
7. Make soup.
8. Let's see what comes next. No nightmare. Good sleep.
9. Figure out what a family means to me.
10. Work hard!
11. Travel: Scotland and Maryland.
12. Dissertation proposal by the end of summer 2008.
Time for a review of 2007, and set new goals for 2008.
From last year:
1. Driving -- Get on highway! Have more practice driving in snow
2. Swimming -- Find a class to learn freestyle
3. As in all coursework
4. More research work in the lab
5. I don't want to do teaching. Maybe I'll give a guest lecture or join a discussion panel in class
6. My knees -- Regular exercises in the gym
7. Health -- Make soup
8. Childhood memories -- Put trust in how adversities make me strong
9. Family -- Observe friends how they make a family
10. Maintain good spirit at work -- Time to get up from the fall in those dark three years. No self-pitying or self-blaming anymore
11. Travel -- Scotland
What I did in 2007:
1. I got on the highway. More than that, I drove in San Francisco too. Then drove in the mountains.
2. Didn't do anything about swimming.
3. As accomplished.
4. Well, I did as much research work as I could.
5. Gave two guest lectures and one discussion panel.
6. My knees are OK. They're still working.
7. Sure I make soup almost every week. Though I ate half a box of instant noodles during the finals week.
8. Well, I don't know. I don't have any nigtmare for about 2-3 months already. Not sure what's next.
9. Sometimes looking at other people's families makes me jealous. What then?
10. Sure I got good spirits at work. I love my work. :)
11. Travel: Utah, Arizona, Nevada, Scotland, Oregon, Wyoming, San Francisco!
For 2008:
1. Driving is OK. Got to keep up with it.
2. Want to try yoga. Will look at the rec center schedule and see if I can join some classes.
3. Well, I'll have four courses next spring. If I can get them all passed, that will be great. But I'll still aim for As.
4. Got to get two manuscripts out!
5. Will teach a class in fall, 2008.
6. Will keep up with exercises. Hopefully yoga will help too.
7. Make soup.
8. Let's see what comes next. No nightmare. Good sleep.
9. Figure out what a family means to me.
10. Work hard!
11. Travel: Scotland and Maryland.
12. Dissertation proposal by the end of summer 2008.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
December 16, 2007, 11:02am
Went sort of cross-country skiing. Better say I went falling on snow for hours. :D
Went sort of cross-country skiing. Better say I went falling on snow for hours. :D
Couldn't finish the trail at all because I kept falling. Couldn't go up or down. Could do walking a little bit on level. In the end, I carried the skis back. Very tiring.
Just scenic. Cannot complain about the ache in my arms, back, and knees. It worths everything to get there. :)
This is also my first time driving in the mountain. The driver got very sick and I drove her SUV back. Scary on the icy roads but we're back safe.
This is magical. I did it!
Friday, December 14, 2007
December 15, 2007, 1:01am
A friend got her PhD. Went to her commencement then the graduation party afterwards.
They were on the platform receiving their diploma. I can actually feel the pain, sweat... and adrenaline. These people got the PhD. How do they do it?
Still one more assignment to go to finish this semester. Will do it right.
A friend got her PhD. Went to her commencement then the graduation party afterwards.
They were on the platform receiving their diploma. I can actually feel the pain, sweat... and adrenaline. These people got the PhD. How do they do it?
Still one more assignment to go to finish this semester. Will do it right.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
November 25, 2007, 7:20pm
The GPS didn't work today. Just a dark blank screen. So, I got a hard time driving around to help my Japanese friend to shop for winter clothings. Anyways, got back save and she got good bargains for the cold and long winter.
Probably it's too cold to have the GPS sitting in the car overnight. It's subzero temperature at night. Will put it in my apartment and try it again. If not... really need to have it fixed. The GPS saves a lot of headache getting lost though it's not perfect.
Was driving in the middle of the road in Denver, then it said "You have arrived." I had no clue where the film center was. Left or right. No clue. The film center simply cannot be in the middle of the road. The GPS is a very puzzling machine.
The GPS didn't work today. Just a dark blank screen. So, I got a hard time driving around to help my Japanese friend to shop for winter clothings. Anyways, got back save and she got good bargains for the cold and long winter.
Probably it's too cold to have the GPS sitting in the car overnight. It's subzero temperature at night. Will put it in my apartment and try it again. If not... really need to have it fixed. The GPS saves a lot of headache getting lost though it's not perfect.
Was driving in the middle of the road in Denver, then it said "You have arrived." I had no clue where the film center was. Left or right. No clue. The film center simply cannot be in the middle of the road. The GPS is a very puzzling machine.
November 25, 2007, 9:13am
A recap of "Lust Caution" before I forget my own thoughts.
1. Women are to be sacrificed. Women are expected to sacrifice. Women are willing to sacrifice.
Well, what is the causal and effect? Are women expected to sacrifice, then they sacrifice? Or are women willing to sacrifice, then they are expected to sacrifice? Does it also mean that women are not as valuable as other more important things? Say, the fate of a country? And women can be sacrificed for the "better good?" What are the other things should be on this weighing scale of goods?
2. What is the role of the tai tais? They play mahjog all day all night. It seems like they have their own politics. But what is it other than winning a few bucks? Are they contributing to getting information for their husbands' business? If yes, why do they seem so ignorant?
Mr. Yee obviously kept Mrs. Yee away from his business. What is the use of keeping the tai tais around then? What is the purpose of having a wife who apparently knows nothing and doesn't seem to provide him in anyway?
3. Ms. Chen (Mrs. Man) ruined the assassination plan in the end. She lost her love. She lost her friends' lives. And her own life. She lost her country. She's in such a tragic situation that she would not be able to win at all. She's betrayed in the very first beginning already. She's told that she's going to England. But who's going to care such an unattainable goal. No one is going to keep such a promise.
What a loser in a dead end situation. Here it comes the debate of person-situation effect. Is personality more influential or is it the situation? Would a different person bring a different story? A different process and a different outcome?
4. Can I generalize this tragic character in a dead end situation to the war as a whole? That the war is a no-win situation anyway. Mr. Yee saved his life this time. But the war was over and the Japanese lost in the end. Probably he didn't survive very long.
Can I generalize the love between Mr. Yee and Ms. Chen to the love between the enemies? The war story reminds me about loving my Japanese friends despite the sad history. It also reminds me about the European invasions. I still love my Scottish friends and my German advisor, after all.
Bert showed me pictures of him in the Royal Air Force. He's a bright, handsome, young man in WWII. He said, 50 years after the war, Ann and he met a German couple. The two sides realized that they were trying to kill each other when they were young. Yet, they can actually be good friends. People are stupid. People do stupid things. The governments are stupid.
A recap of "Lust Caution" before I forget my own thoughts.
1. Women are to be sacrificed. Women are expected to sacrifice. Women are willing to sacrifice.
Well, what is the causal and effect? Are women expected to sacrifice, then they sacrifice? Or are women willing to sacrifice, then they are expected to sacrifice? Does it also mean that women are not as valuable as other more important things? Say, the fate of a country? And women can be sacrificed for the "better good?" What are the other things should be on this weighing scale of goods?
2. What is the role of the tai tais? They play mahjog all day all night. It seems like they have their own politics. But what is it other than winning a few bucks? Are they contributing to getting information for their husbands' business? If yes, why do they seem so ignorant?
Mr. Yee obviously kept Mrs. Yee away from his business. What is the use of keeping the tai tais around then? What is the purpose of having a wife who apparently knows nothing and doesn't seem to provide him in anyway?
3. Ms. Chen (Mrs. Man) ruined the assassination plan in the end. She lost her love. She lost her friends' lives. And her own life. She lost her country. She's in such a tragic situation that she would not be able to win at all. She's betrayed in the very first beginning already. She's told that she's going to England. But who's going to care such an unattainable goal. No one is going to keep such a promise.
What a loser in a dead end situation. Here it comes the debate of person-situation effect. Is personality more influential or is it the situation? Would a different person bring a different story? A different process and a different outcome?
4. Can I generalize this tragic character in a dead end situation to the war as a whole? That the war is a no-win situation anyway. Mr. Yee saved his life this time. But the war was over and the Japanese lost in the end. Probably he didn't survive very long.
Can I generalize the love between Mr. Yee and Ms. Chen to the love between the enemies? The war story reminds me about loving my Japanese friends despite the sad history. It also reminds me about the European invasions. I still love my Scottish friends and my German advisor, after all.
Bert showed me pictures of him in the Royal Air Force. He's a bright, handsome, young man in WWII. He said, 50 years after the war, Ann and he met a German couple. The two sides realized that they were trying to kill each other when they were young. Yet, they can actually be good friends. People are stupid. People do stupid things. The governments are stupid.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
November 24, 2007, 10:26pm
Drove to Denver to watch "Lust Caution." 1.5 hours one way. Was going 80 miles per hour for a while... 128.7 km/h... Sounds like I'm doing illegal racing in the Hong Kong standard.
Such a sad story and a sad history. Really need to remember to love my Japanese friends despite the history.
Well, also need to remember the European invasions. I cannot love my Scottish friends less despite all the national treasures now in the British Museum and elsewhere. :)
Drove to Denver to watch "Lust Caution." 1.5 hours one way. Was going 80 miles per hour for a while... 128.7 km/h... Sounds like I'm doing illegal racing in the Hong Kong standard.
Such a sad story and a sad history. Really need to remember to love my Japanese friends despite the history.
Well, also need to remember the European invasions. I cannot love my Scottish friends less despite all the national treasures now in the British Museum and elsewhere. :)
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
November 14, 2007, 7:50pm
Having a fever for two days. Also got cold sores. Still working on my take-home exam. Headache.
Will fly Friday early in the morning. Depart at 8:25am, got to get up at 5:30am.
Haven't been to the bank to get cash. Haven't done my laundry. Haven't gone shopping for travel stuff. Haven't packed.
***
Havn't got cold sores for years. This reminds me how miserable when I was a kid. Mom said I got that because I am bad. Period. No help.
Here, my friends gave me the cream that really helps. And told me not to drink hot water or eat chilly food...
I'm so better off without my family. I'm happy to be by myself. Yet, this is also so much pain.
***
One last essay question. Get it done!
Having a fever for two days. Also got cold sores. Still working on my take-home exam. Headache.
Will fly Friday early in the morning. Depart at 8:25am, got to get up at 5:30am.
Haven't been to the bank to get cash. Haven't done my laundry. Haven't gone shopping for travel stuff. Haven't packed.
***
Havn't got cold sores for years. This reminds me how miserable when I was a kid. Mom said I got that because I am bad. Period. No help.
Here, my friends gave me the cream that really helps. And told me not to drink hot water or eat chilly food...
I'm so better off without my family. I'm happy to be by myself. Yet, this is also so much pain.
***
One last essay question. Get it done!
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Sunday, October 28, 2007
October 28, 2007, 7:59pm
Got to write this down. So, now, in addition to not locking the door and window door, not turning off the fire and oven, not cleaning the bathroom and kitchen, this is what my roommate did not do today.
She did not close the freezer door and the fridge door. The two doors were half open when I was back at 2pm after working in the lab.
So, I put a notice on her door.
***
She's sick again. As always, every two weeks or less. And she's not yet seen the doctor.
So, I cleaned everything. Sucks.
Got to write this down. So, now, in addition to not locking the door and window door, not turning off the fire and oven, not cleaning the bathroom and kitchen, this is what my roommate did not do today.
She did not close the freezer door and the fridge door. The two doors were half open when I was back at 2pm after working in the lab.
So, I put a notice on her door.
***
She's sick again. As always, every two weeks or less. And she's not yet seen the doctor.
So, I cleaned everything. Sucks.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Friday, October 26, 2007
October 26, 2007, 8:42pm
My advisor asked whether I'd be in the office tomorrow. I said, no, I'll go to a pumpkin farm to get a pumpkin.
He asked because we're supposed to put together a dataset for analysis. Then he said, go, go to pumpkin whatever.
He meant it. Because I have been working in the lab seven days a week I cannot remember since when. So, it's time to do something else tomorrow.
***
I cannot shake off my memories of those times I worked until 11pm in Hong Kong, or Saturday afternoons and more. Those bosses probably believe they paid me to work and they bought my life.
***
Got this children's book from the public library. It's a simple, humble book. Nothing extravagance.
Maynard, T. (1999). Working with wildlife: A guide to careers in the animal world. New York: Franklin Watts.
Here's the foreword by Jane Goodall.
p. 8
"When I first dreamed of living with animals in Africa, people laughed. It was half a century ago. Africa was known as the 'Dark Continent.' It was far, far away, wild and primitive and savage. You went there by boat. Moreover, my family didn't have much money -- enough for food and some clothes, but not enough for a bicycle, let alone a car.
"'Dream of something you can actually achieve,' people said. Except for my mother. Her message was different: 'If you really want something and work hard and take advantage of opportunities and never give up, you will find a way.' Well, I did! And so can you. If you have a dream of working with, of helping animals and their world, don't let anyone tell you it is impossible. Just remember my mother's advice -- it is mine: 'Follow your dreams.'"
***
Somehow, this makes me think, do people ever learn this when they're small? Do people believe when they hear this? Do they remember this throughout their lives? Or at some point in time, they forget what they've learnt? Or at some point when they are growing up, they unlearn this because it seems naive to believe?
***
More from the book, p. 14-17.
Do not wait until you win the lottery to do what you want to do. You would be amazed at how many well-educated people who have all the options in the world open to them waste their time waiting for something to happen.
The worst thing that would-be wildlife workers can say to me when I ask what they most want to do, is that they wish they could win the lottery so that they would then have the freedom to pursue their dreams.
[T]he simple fact that you are holding this book in your hands means that you've already won the evolutionary lottery. It took billions of years of evolution just for humans to appear on the scene a few million years ago. Since that time we people have changed the environment around us dramatically, but we have not changed all that much ourselves. There is one thing for certain, though -- when your mom and dad got together and created you, that was the real lottery worth winning. You are one in 6 billion (the current human population on Earth), and there is no other like you.
***
Just wonder, what kind of books do children read in Hong Kong? What books do parents read to their children?
My advisor asked whether I'd be in the office tomorrow. I said, no, I'll go to a pumpkin farm to get a pumpkin.
He asked because we're supposed to put together a dataset for analysis. Then he said, go, go to pumpkin whatever.
He meant it. Because I have been working in the lab seven days a week I cannot remember since when. So, it's time to do something else tomorrow.
***
I cannot shake off my memories of those times I worked until 11pm in Hong Kong, or Saturday afternoons and more. Those bosses probably believe they paid me to work and they bought my life.
***
Got this children's book from the public library. It's a simple, humble book. Nothing extravagance.
Maynard, T. (1999). Working with wildlife: A guide to careers in the animal world. New York: Franklin Watts.
Here's the foreword by Jane Goodall.
p. 8
"When I first dreamed of living with animals in Africa, people laughed. It was half a century ago. Africa was known as the 'Dark Continent.' It was far, far away, wild and primitive and savage. You went there by boat. Moreover, my family didn't have much money -- enough for food and some clothes, but not enough for a bicycle, let alone a car.
"'Dream of something you can actually achieve,' people said. Except for my mother. Her message was different: 'If you really want something and work hard and take advantage of opportunities and never give up, you will find a way.' Well, I did! And so can you. If you have a dream of working with, of helping animals and their world, don't let anyone tell you it is impossible. Just remember my mother's advice -- it is mine: 'Follow your dreams.'"
***
Somehow, this makes me think, do people ever learn this when they're small? Do people believe when they hear this? Do they remember this throughout their lives? Or at some point in time, they forget what they've learnt? Or at some point when they are growing up, they unlearn this because it seems naive to believe?
***
More from the book, p. 14-17.
Do not wait until you win the lottery to do what you want to do. You would be amazed at how many well-educated people who have all the options in the world open to them waste their time waiting for something to happen.
The worst thing that would-be wildlife workers can say to me when I ask what they most want to do, is that they wish they could win the lottery so that they would then have the freedom to pursue their dreams.
[T]he simple fact that you are holding this book in your hands means that you've already won the evolutionary lottery. It took billions of years of evolution just for humans to appear on the scene a few million years ago. Since that time we people have changed the environment around us dramatically, but we have not changed all that much ourselves. There is one thing for certain, though -- when your mom and dad got together and created you, that was the real lottery worth winning. You are one in 6 billion (the current human population on Earth), and there is no other like you.
***
Just wonder, what kind of books do children read in Hong Kong? What books do parents read to their children?
Monday, October 22, 2007
October 22, 2007, 10:15pm
Nightmares... ai. Never remember what the content of argument was. Only woke up with all the stress and tension.
So, I lived with such a high level of tension for years? This is pretty incredible how I tolerated that.
Well, I don't want this anymore in my life. I have no idea what made my mom to make the hell out of me. Never mind. I will not give her any chance to hurt me again.
Nightmares... ai. Never remember what the content of argument was. Only woke up with all the stress and tension.
So, I lived with such a high level of tension for years? This is pretty incredible how I tolerated that.
Well, I don't want this anymore in my life. I have no idea what made my mom to make the hell out of me. Never mind. I will not give her any chance to hurt me again.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Monday, October 08, 2007
October 8, 2007, 11:24pm
Got very agitated after the neuropsychology class this evening. A student was presenting about childhood trauma and the effect on the brain structures and processes.
It's simply self-denial to say the past doesn't bother me. Self-denial actually doesn't work. Got a sharp chest pain.
Got very agitated after the neuropsychology class this evening. A student was presenting about childhood trauma and the effect on the brain structures and processes.
It's simply self-denial to say the past doesn't bother me. Self-denial actually doesn't work. Got a sharp chest pain.
Saturday, October 06, 2007
October 6, 2007, 11:22pm
Had a nightmare... I always have similar nightmares when I'm stressed out with work. Most of the time, I will be in high school, studying pure math, physics, etc. Then get very puzzled and angry why I'm still doing these.
I was in a kindergarten last night... I was walking around in the very small classroom with very small chairs, wondering why I have to study in the kindergarten. I have a master's already. I am in a PhD program. Why am I here? Why do I have to begin from the very beginning again? I don't want to do this again. I have done it already...
Must be very stressed out these days...
***
Bert is in the hospital in Australia. Need to call Ann tomorrow. Very sad.
Had a nightmare... I always have similar nightmares when I'm stressed out with work. Most of the time, I will be in high school, studying pure math, physics, etc. Then get very puzzled and angry why I'm still doing these.
I was in a kindergarten last night... I was walking around in the very small classroom with very small chairs, wondering why I have to study in the kindergarten. I have a master's already. I am in a PhD program. Why am I here? Why do I have to begin from the very beginning again? I don't want to do this again. I have done it already...
Must be very stressed out these days...
***
Bert is in the hospital in Australia. Need to call Ann tomorrow. Very sad.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Monday, October 01, 2007
Sunday, September 30, 2007
September 30, 2007, 3:17pm
Forgot about those times already... the fire killing the boy with autism reminds me about the dangers in Hong Kong.
I don't really know. How much is it to have the sprinkler system, the smoke detector, the circuit breaker, and the fire extinguisher?
These are simply basics here. Yes, the extension cords for computers may not be safe. But how come even the fuse didn't work?
I requested to live on the first floor because I cannot escape using the steps in case of fire. And with all those fire safety equipments, I feel I'm a lot safer.
Sad. Thinking about the Bronfenbrenner's ecological model of human development. The environment makes a difference.
Forgot about those times already... the fire killing the boy with autism reminds me about the dangers in Hong Kong.
I don't really know. How much is it to have the sprinkler system, the smoke detector, the circuit breaker, and the fire extinguisher?
These are simply basics here. Yes, the extension cords for computers may not be safe. But how come even the fuse didn't work?
I requested to live on the first floor because I cannot escape using the steps in case of fire. And with all those fire safety equipments, I feel I'm a lot safer.
Sad. Thinking about the Bronfenbrenner's ecological model of human development. The environment makes a difference.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
September 24, 2007, 9:47pm
Felt really bad last night. Remember a childhood terror. All I wanted was someone to say, "Everything is OK. We're safe."
Yet, the home environment was not safe. I don't understand. Why didn't they make the environment safer? Why was it dusty everywhere? Why so miserable and helpless? Why not change what they can change?
***
Really puzzled about how I get to where I am. So many challenges every single day. Just finished two assignments, a class discussion, and a seminar presentation last week. Sick Friday evening, too stressed out.
Found my high school website by accident. Just read that a classmate is now a music teacher in a Tai Po high school.
She used to look down on me. Well, for whatever reason. She believed she's girly and beautiful. And I didn't have brand names to show off like a lot of them.
A high school teacher in Tai Po? I cannot imagine it. What a boring life, in my standard. Went to a high school in Sha Tin, went to CUHK in between Sha Tin and Tai Po... Then now, she's one KCR station away in Tai Po?
I'm here thousands of miles away from Hong Kong. Being challenged... Got to meet deadlines and learn the single factor model...
Life is great! The trees are changing from green to gold again. Every day is stimulating. Yet, for her, for a person who used to look down on me... she's in Tai Po?
What have I done to make this happen? How do I get here? Where will I go next?
***
Mid-term exam next Monday... Take it as a challenge!
Felt really bad last night. Remember a childhood terror. All I wanted was someone to say, "Everything is OK. We're safe."
Yet, the home environment was not safe. I don't understand. Why didn't they make the environment safer? Why was it dusty everywhere? Why so miserable and helpless? Why not change what they can change?
***
Really puzzled about how I get to where I am. So many challenges every single day. Just finished two assignments, a class discussion, and a seminar presentation last week. Sick Friday evening, too stressed out.
Found my high school website by accident. Just read that a classmate is now a music teacher in a Tai Po high school.
She used to look down on me. Well, for whatever reason. She believed she's girly and beautiful. And I didn't have brand names to show off like a lot of them.
A high school teacher in Tai Po? I cannot imagine it. What a boring life, in my standard. Went to a high school in Sha Tin, went to CUHK in between Sha Tin and Tai Po... Then now, she's one KCR station away in Tai Po?
I'm here thousands of miles away from Hong Kong. Being challenged... Got to meet deadlines and learn the single factor model...
Life is great! The trees are changing from green to gold again. Every day is stimulating. Yet, for her, for a person who used to look down on me... she's in Tai Po?
What have I done to make this happen? How do I get here? Where will I go next?
***
Mid-term exam next Monday... Take it as a challenge!
Thursday, September 20, 2007
September 20, 2007, 9:32pm
Felt dizzy working on the computer last night. Saw some stars. Then fell into bed. Woke up this morning... I lost consciousness!
Not sure if it's stress or M. Have been having cramps in my right leg... Don't know what's happening. Too much coffee?
Got to catch up with class after my seminar presentation. Falling behind of everything because of the preparation.
Still, I have M... Does it mean that my body is restoring? Really want to learn how to read my pulses... Dreamed about seeing my Chinese medicine doctor last night...
Felt dizzy working on the computer last night. Saw some stars. Then fell into bed. Woke up this morning... I lost consciousness!
Not sure if it's stress or M. Have been having cramps in my right leg... Don't know what's happening. Too much coffee?
Got to catch up with class after my seminar presentation. Falling behind of everything because of the preparation.
Still, I have M... Does it mean that my body is restoring? Really want to learn how to read my pulses... Dreamed about seeing my Chinese medicine doctor last night...
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
September 19, 2007, 8:14pm
I have M!!! Only 1.5 months!!!!!!!!
Don't even remember how it feels to have period in a row. I didn't have M for any two consecutive months since I left London. Five years already. I remember it was the Mid Autumn Festival the day before I left Edinburgh.
Also remember I was working on my PhD applications the first time. I was working in the PolyU. It was a Saturday. Not a work day. But I was in the PolyU library, staying away from my crazy family.
I was feeling so exhausted. Thinking, I still had one more year to suffer even if the applications got through. Was terrified to think about living with my family for another year.
The applications didn't get through. Was thinking, I'd try again if I wouldn't die in the following year.
Life was desperate with my family.
This week is dreadful. I'll have to celebrate when I get my class discussion and seminar presentation done. But this kind of stress is manageable.
What the hell is it that I have a family like this? To give me a hell of constant anger and threat all my life? To make me stop having M for three years? To make me post-traumatic for 1.5 years?
I have M!!! Only 1.5 months!!!!!!!!
Don't even remember how it feels to have period in a row. I didn't have M for any two consecutive months since I left London. Five years already. I remember it was the Mid Autumn Festival the day before I left Edinburgh.
Also remember I was working on my PhD applications the first time. I was working in the PolyU. It was a Saturday. Not a work day. But I was in the PolyU library, staying away from my crazy family.
I was feeling so exhausted. Thinking, I still had one more year to suffer even if the applications got through. Was terrified to think about living with my family for another year.
The applications didn't get through. Was thinking, I'd try again if I wouldn't die in the following year.
Life was desperate with my family.
This week is dreadful. I'll have to celebrate when I get my class discussion and seminar presentation done. But this kind of stress is manageable.
What the hell is it that I have a family like this? To give me a hell of constant anger and threat all my life? To make me stop having M for three years? To make me post-traumatic for 1.5 years?
Monday, September 17, 2007
Nodame Cantabile - 23 (Finale)
Nodame Cantabile Episode 23 - English Subs
"Lesson 23" (Subbed by Hard Gay Fansubs)
Chiaki conducts his last song with the Rising Star Orchestra and contemplates how he even got there in the first place. With Nodame still away in Okawa, Chiaki is urged to persuade her to return to piano by visiting her home town after the concert. Chiaki and Nodame share an intimate moment at the riverbed as her father catches sight of them from his boat. Chiaki and Nodame will be looking forward to seeing each other in Europe. The pieces performed in the episode are Symphony No. 7, Op. 92 by Ludwig Van Beethoven and Piano Sonata D845 by Franz Schubert. (Wikipedia)
"Lesson 23" (Subbed by Hard Gay Fansubs)
Chiaki conducts his last song with the Rising Star Orchestra and contemplates how he even got there in the first place. With Nodame still away in Okawa, Chiaki is urged to persuade her to return to piano by visiting her home town after the concert. Chiaki and Nodame share an intimate moment at the riverbed as her father catches sight of them from his boat. Chiaki and Nodame will be looking forward to seeing each other in Europe. The pieces performed in the episode are Symphony No. 7, Op. 92 by Ludwig Van Beethoven and Piano Sonata D845 by Franz Schubert. (Wikipedia)
September, 17, 2007, 11:53pm
Two down. Missed the deadline at 5pm. Finished at 10pm. Got the deadline extended. :)
Seminar presentation to go! I will enjoy it!!!
Nodame Cantabile
Online Videos by Veoh.com
Two down. Missed the deadline at 5pm. Finished at 10pm. Got the deadline extended. :)
Seminar presentation to go! I will enjoy it!!!
Nodame Cantabile
Online Videos by Veoh.com
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Friday, September 07, 2007
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
August 30, 2007, 10:32pm
Nightmare again. Mom was yelling and screaming. Never remember what she said. The difference is, I didn't wake up in shock anymore. The nightmare was stressful and unpleasant. But at least, I didn't feel the intensity of the shock and threat as before.
When will this end?
***
Was in the gym this afternoon between classes. This is my first time ever to be able to sit on the mat like Japanese.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seiza
Looks like my flexibility has improved after almost a year of workout. I keep going to the gym two times a week during semesters, and three times a week in the summer. Skipped the gym when I was traveling or when the gym was closed for maintanence.
Hard work and persistance pay off. :)
Nightmare again. Mom was yelling and screaming. Never remember what she said. The difference is, I didn't wake up in shock anymore. The nightmare was stressful and unpleasant. But at least, I didn't feel the intensity of the shock and threat as before.
When will this end?
***
Was in the gym this afternoon between classes. This is my first time ever to be able to sit on the mat like Japanese.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seiza
Looks like my flexibility has improved after almost a year of workout. I keep going to the gym two times a week during semesters, and three times a week in the summer. Skipped the gym when I was traveling or when the gym was closed for maintanence.
Hard work and persistance pay off. :)
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
August 28, 2007, 11:53pm
I have been having the feeling that I don't know how I'm going to survive this semester. Look at the to-do list... it is endless.
Then, got an email from a friend from HKU. Well, it's not about what she said in the email. But thinking back about the time when I was in HK, thinking about how much work I was doing, thinking about how I wrote two freelance articles in the evening after a whole day of work... plus the PhD applications and my doctor's appointments... sometimes even doing part-time teaching...
Sure, I will handle this semester very well. This is a piece of cake.
To do:
1. Statistics class weekly questions
2. Statistics class presentation
3. Statistics class paper
4. Neuropsychology class presentatoin
5. Neuropsychology class paper
6. Neuropsychology class exam x 2
7. Measurement class exercise x 6
8. Measurement class paper
9. Measurement class exam x 3
10. Seminar presentation
11. Seminar poster presentation
12. GSA conference presentation
13. Guest lecture
Plus my work in the lab. Need to brainwash myself. This is a piece of cake.
I have been having the feeling that I don't know how I'm going to survive this semester. Look at the to-do list... it is endless.
Then, got an email from a friend from HKU. Well, it's not about what she said in the email. But thinking back about the time when I was in HK, thinking about how much work I was doing, thinking about how I wrote two freelance articles in the evening after a whole day of work... plus the PhD applications and my doctor's appointments... sometimes even doing part-time teaching...
Sure, I will handle this semester very well. This is a piece of cake.
To do:
1. Statistics class weekly questions
2. Statistics class presentation
3. Statistics class paper
4. Neuropsychology class presentatoin
5. Neuropsychology class paper
6. Neuropsychology class exam x 2
7. Measurement class exercise x 6
8. Measurement class paper
9. Measurement class exam x 3
10. Seminar presentation
11. Seminar poster presentation
12. GSA conference presentation
13. Guest lecture
Plus my work in the lab. Need to brainwash myself. This is a piece of cake.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
Monday, August 13, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Monday, August 06, 2007
Sunday, August 05, 2007
August 5, 2007, 7:00pm
The camping site was in the Colorado State Forest, with elevation up above 9,000 feet. Was having a headache last night because of the high altitude.
This is my first time to sleep in a tent. :)
This is where I went hiking. Well, not to the top though.
This is it. This is where I wanted so badly to still be able to go with my bad knees. Tall trees on the sides. Quiet. I could hear my own heartbeat when I stopped walking.
I hiked about a mile to go up there to Lake Agnes yesterday.
Went another 2-3 miles this afternoon. Also saw a moose very far away. Don't know exactly what kind of animal that is.
Got to do something to my screaming knees.
The camping site was in the Colorado State Forest, with elevation up above 9,000 feet. Was having a headache last night because of the high altitude.
This is my first time to sleep in a tent. :)
This is where I went hiking. Well, not to the top though.
This is it. This is where I wanted so badly to still be able to go with my bad knees. Tall trees on the sides. Quiet. I could hear my own heartbeat when I stopped walking.
I hiked about a mile to go up there to Lake Agnes yesterday.
Went another 2-3 miles this afternoon. Also saw a moose very far away. Don't know exactly what kind of animal that is.Got to do something to my screaming knees.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Monday, July 30, 2007
July 30, 2007, 10:12pm
Got very irritated by a fly last Friday night. No sleep at all. It was buzzing at my ear and walking on my face the whole night. No way to get it out of my bedroom.
Got very tired after the early morning construction class. Tried to take a nap Saturday afternoon but the fly was disturbing me again.
Got a box of fly tapes from Walmart Sunday. No use. The fly won't go up there and got stuck.
So, I cleaned the apartment with bleach upside down, inside out. At least that stupid fly is not going to eat sh-t, then walk on my face!
***
Had a weird dream this morning. I was dead. I knew I was dead because other people couldn't see me. I couldn't manipulate things either, say, to hold a cup etc.
I also knew I would disappear completely in three days. That is, I wouldn't even be able to see the world again. I would not exist anymore. I decided that I wanted to see things that I hadn't seen before.
Then got very anxious about not having enough time to see whatever I wanted to see. And woke up.
I must be getting too involved in my advisor's experiments...
Got very irritated by a fly last Friday night. No sleep at all. It was buzzing at my ear and walking on my face the whole night. No way to get it out of my bedroom.
Got very tired after the early morning construction class. Tried to take a nap Saturday afternoon but the fly was disturbing me again.
Got a box of fly tapes from Walmart Sunday. No use. The fly won't go up there and got stuck.
So, I cleaned the apartment with bleach upside down, inside out. At least that stupid fly is not going to eat sh-t, then walk on my face!
***
Had a weird dream this morning. I was dead. I knew I was dead because other people couldn't see me. I couldn't manipulate things either, say, to hold a cup etc.
I also knew I would disappear completely in three days. That is, I wouldn't even be able to see the world again. I would not exist anymore. I decided that I wanted to see things that I hadn't seen before.
Then got very anxious about not having enough time to see whatever I wanted to see. And woke up.
I must be getting too involved in my advisor's experiments...
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Sunday, July 22, 2007
July 22, 2007, 10:01pm
Went boating today. Was out in the sun the whole day. Got so tanned...
My friend let me drive his boat for a while. His wife did water skiing. Feeling like, this is not real. Why am I doing this? Who am I? Only superstars like Leon Lai, Jacky Chan... do these things in the movies. Or you'll have to be a billionaire to own a boat in Hong Kong.
Now, I'm doing it. This is unreal...
Went boating today. Was out in the sun the whole day. Got so tanned...
My friend let me drive his boat for a while. His wife did water skiing. Feeling like, this is not real. Why am I doing this? Who am I? Only superstars like Leon Lai, Jacky Chan... do these things in the movies. Or you'll have to be a billionaire to own a boat in Hong Kong.
Now, I'm doing it. This is unreal...
Saturday, July 21, 2007
July 21, 2007, 9:14pm
This is the biggest Rodeo in the country. Cowboys and cowgirls come from all over the country and beyond to ride the bulls and tie the calves.
Other than the cowboy show, basically, it's all about selling souvenirs. People also dress up to take a picture in the cowboy outfits.
Seeing handbags, T-shirts, etc hanging in the booths for sale make me feel like I was shopping in Mong Kok. The handbags, leather coats etc are not particularly stylish in my opinion.
Seriously, if I really bought a handbag like this and walked around in Mong Kok, who would even think the handbag actually came from Wyoming and not Mong Kok?
The Native American dances are more appealing to me than the cowboy stuff. Well, yes, OK, cowboys are brave people confronting the dangerous animals. But it's not pleasant to see them risking their lives to ride a bull. I am scared to see blood.
This is the biggest Rodeo in the country. Cowboys and cowgirls come from all over the country and beyond to ride the bulls and tie the calves.
Other than the cowboy show, basically, it's all about selling souvenirs. People also dress up to take a picture in the cowboy outfits.
Seeing handbags, T-shirts, etc hanging in the booths for sale make me feel like I was shopping in Mong Kok. The handbags, leather coats etc are not particularly stylish in my opinion.Seriously, if I really bought a handbag like this and walked around in Mong Kok, who would even think the handbag actually came from Wyoming and not Mong Kok?
The Native American dances are more appealing to me than the cowboy stuff. Well, yes, OK, cowboys are brave people confronting the dangerous animals. But it's not pleasant to see them risking their lives to ride a bull. I am scared to see blood.
Friday, July 20, 2007
July 20, 2007, 10:31pm
Had a very strange dream. Well, not exactly like nightmares, it's not as shocking. Anyways, it's still unpleasant.
It was mom and my brother. Then, I saw a spaceship with aliens coming from outside the window. They're aggressive and I was running. I didn't even question how come I could run in the dream. Come on, my knees won't run.
Anyways, the apartment was huge and I was trying to escape from the aliens. They're green and skinny creatures with big eyes. Somehow my brother appeared somewhere when I was trying to hide. Seems like I wanted to escape from him too.
What does this mean? I don't think I'll be able to have a nice dream about having a good dinner with my family... It's never nice to even see them in my dreams or nightmares.
When will my nightmares and unpleasant dreams end?
Had a very strange dream. Well, not exactly like nightmares, it's not as shocking. Anyways, it's still unpleasant.
It was mom and my brother. Then, I saw a spaceship with aliens coming from outside the window. They're aggressive and I was running. I didn't even question how come I could run in the dream. Come on, my knees won't run.
Anyways, the apartment was huge and I was trying to escape from the aliens. They're green and skinny creatures with big eyes. Somehow my brother appeared somewhere when I was trying to hide. Seems like I wanted to escape from him too.
What does this mean? I don't think I'll be able to have a nice dream about having a good dinner with my family... It's never nice to even see them in my dreams or nightmares.
When will my nightmares and unpleasant dreams end?
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Sunday, July 15, 2007
July 15, 2007, 5:55pm
Preparing for next week... So, got to do all the laundry that has accumulated. Got to go grocery shopping. Got to cook...
Made some Scottish scones... I'm making adobo right now. It's the Philippino chicken dish I learnt from Bryce's wife.
Cooking is enjoyable if it's more than just feeding myself. Learning new dishes is where the fun is. :)
Preparing for next week... So, got to do all the laundry that has accumulated. Got to go grocery shopping. Got to cook...
Made some Scottish scones... I'm making adobo right now. It's the Philippino chicken dish I learnt from Bryce's wife.
Cooking is enjoyable if it's more than just feeding myself. Learning new dishes is where the fun is. :)
Saturday, July 14, 2007
July 14, 2007, 7:31pm
Just registered as a volunteer for Habitat for Humanity. Let's see what's going to happen. :)
http://www.fortcollinshabitat.org/
Just registered as a volunteer for Habitat for Humanity. Let's see what's going to happen. :)
http://www.fortcollinshabitat.org/
July 14, 2007, 5:42pm
Bryce always gives me inspirations... if not questions that I need to spend a life's time to find the answer.
What do I want to do in my life? What's next about my PhD? What's next when I retire?
Seriously, I want to be a carpenter. I want to be like Bert, sawing wood, making little things... I want to be able to make furniture, fix the window...
I said I wanted to be a psychological carpenter, jokingly, when I was sawing wood in Scotland.
And Bryce actually built his house. Maybe I can do it too, someday.
So, to begin with, I got this book. Got to find out where to take a woodwork course to start.
Bryce always gives me inspirations... if not questions that I need to spend a life's time to find the answer.
What do I want to do in my life? What's next about my PhD? What's next when I retire?
Seriously, I want to be a carpenter. I want to be like Bert, sawing wood, making little things... I want to be able to make furniture, fix the window...
I said I wanted to be a psychological carpenter, jokingly, when I was sawing wood in Scotland.
And Bryce actually built his house. Maybe I can do it too, someday.
So, to begin with, I got this book. Got to find out where to take a woodwork course to start.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Thursday, July 12, 2007
July 12, 2007, 8:44pm, Pacific Time
This is a remarkable day. I have just realized that my mom has narcissistic personality disorder. It explains why she's doing all these crazy things to me all my life.
http://www.behavenet.com/capsules/disorders/narcissisticpd.htm
I was reading leisurely in the library, after the very intensive four-day statistics workshop. Somehow I thought about my mom's lacking empathy might be similar to the narcissistic personality disorder.
She met quite a lot of the nine criteria. Lacking empathy, jealous, exploitative... Probably I have been threatening her vulnerable self-esteem with all my achievements. Well, I'm just goal-oriented and I want to achieve. For a long time I also wanted to please her by getting good grades etc. It simply didn't please her at all and I was left to wonder why.
The sky looks even brighter with my discovery. Looks like I got an answer. Finally. Got to move on.
My next phase in my life has begun today, at the Oregon State University. Hopefully the trauma is now behind.
Will go to Wyoming next Saturday with a group of international students. :)
This is a remarkable day. I have just realized that my mom has narcissistic personality disorder. It explains why she's doing all these crazy things to me all my life.http://www.behavenet.com/capsules/disorders/narcissisticpd.htm
I was reading leisurely in the library, after the very intensive four-day statistics workshop. Somehow I thought about my mom's lacking empathy might be similar to the narcissistic personality disorder.She met quite a lot of the nine criteria. Lacking empathy, jealous, exploitative... Probably I have been threatening her vulnerable self-esteem with all my achievements. Well, I'm just goal-oriented and I want to achieve. For a long time I also wanted to please her by getting good grades etc. It simply didn't please her at all and I was left to wonder why.
The sky looks even brighter with my discovery. Looks like I got an answer. Finally. Got to move on.
My next phase in my life has begun today, at the Oregon State University. Hopefully the trauma is now behind.Will go to Wyoming next Saturday with a group of international students. :)
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
July 11, 2007, 10:29pm, Pacific Time
All right. The dinner tonight was at a winery. They got more than grapes there. These trees are hazelnuts. Well, hazelnuts obviously don't come from a can... I've just found out. :P
***
I met Karen Hooker~~~ For two years she's the name on a paper that I read a thousand times. Then, she is a walking and smiling person today. I was shaking hands with her.
I am so very happy. :)
All right. The dinner tonight was at a winery. They got more than grapes there. These trees are hazelnuts. Well, hazelnuts obviously don't come from a can... I've just found out. :P***
I met Karen Hooker~~~ For two years she's the name on a paper that I read a thousand times. Then, she is a walking and smiling person today. I was shaking hands with her.
I am so very happy. :)
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
July 10, 2007, 7:33pm Pacific Time
Cherries come from the cherry tree. Apples and apricots also come from trees... More specifically, they come from Bryce's trees in the farm.
Wonderful.
***
I have a feeling that Totoro lives up there. Can it not be as mysterious that I'm here?
If a palmist or whatever told me when I was very small, say, 15, that one day I'd be traveling around so much and so often, I'd say he/she was telling lies. This is simply unbelievable.
I went to Admiralty, Causeway Bay etc only when I was 16 or so. And never before. That was almost like a prisoner's life.
***
Had a nightmare last night. Cannot remember any detail of it. Woke up very quickly from the shocking image... though I'm sure I saw mom.
She's a threat all my life. Got to keep her out of my way. I want a free life, not a prisoner's life.
Not sure. But looks like this is an oak tree. I really like it here. It's a lot more green than Colorado.
Trees here are so much bigger but not as big as those monsters as in Florida. They are tall enough to instill awe in me. Yet they're not blocking the sky like those in Florida.
Cherries come from the cherry tree. Apples and apricots also come from trees... More specifically, they come from Bryce's trees in the farm.Wonderful.
***
I have a feeling that Totoro lives up there. Can it not be as mysterious that I'm here?If a palmist or whatever told me when I was very small, say, 15, that one day I'd be traveling around so much and so often, I'd say he/she was telling lies. This is simply unbelievable.
I went to Admiralty, Causeway Bay etc only when I was 16 or so. And never before. That was almost like a prisoner's life.
***
Had a nightmare last night. Cannot remember any detail of it. Woke up very quickly from the shocking image... though I'm sure I saw mom.
She's a threat all my life. Got to keep her out of my way. I want a free life, not a prisoner's life.
Not sure. But looks like this is an oak tree. I really like it here. It's a lot more green than Colorado.Trees here are so much bigger but not as big as those monsters as in Florida. They are tall enough to instill awe in me. Yet they're not blocking the sky like those in Florida.
Monday, July 09, 2007
Thursday, July 05, 2007
July 5, 2007, 8:03pm
Ten years passed without me realizing. I saw fireworks the first time in my life during the handover, 1997. I remember I was very exhausted after probably 14-hour work in Wen Wei Po. I left the office from Aberdeen and it just happened that it's time for the fireworks.
That was a very tragic summer. I was about to realize my dream to be a journalist. I was in my internship yet I found that I hated almost all aspects of the work. I loved the school work. But I hated all the ugly faces that I saw in all those tycoons and government officials. I hated to see the indifference towards people in car accidents etc. I hated to see the reporters joking about the dead bodies of those who committed suicide.
I hated the heat. I hated the storms. I hated the roasted pigs to celebrate the return to China. I hated censorship. Wen Wei Po did not report anything about the demonstrations against the government.
It was my first waterloo in life. I got into the competitive journalism program. I got the chance to report a historical event. I was about to realize my dream, yet I found out I simply created a dream without any ground. I didn't know how the media functions or malfunctions. I tried it and hated it. I was so lost.
Probably I cannot live without a dream to realize. I'm in the middle of realizing another dream here. I want to be a social/developmental psychologist. I like research. Statistics is difficult but it's within my reach with hard work. I want to work in the university. I found my second dream in the university library when I lost my first. I feel in peace to be surrounded with books and journals in the library.
Even though I was lost, I felt like there's a way. So many people's wisdom and experiences are recorded in these endless shelves of books. I would find out a way from here.
So, here I'm still in graduate school. This is the 4th university at which I have studied and lived already. I can find satisfaction in my work. I feel like I'm growing every single day. I can only expect even more growth in the next 10 years. Hopefully I will be established in my career, in my 5th, 6th... school. :)
Ten years passed without me realizing. I saw fireworks the first time in my life during the handover, 1997. I remember I was very exhausted after probably 14-hour work in Wen Wei Po. I left the office from Aberdeen and it just happened that it's time for the fireworks.
That was a very tragic summer. I was about to realize my dream to be a journalist. I was in my internship yet I found that I hated almost all aspects of the work. I loved the school work. But I hated all the ugly faces that I saw in all those tycoons and government officials. I hated to see the indifference towards people in car accidents etc. I hated to see the reporters joking about the dead bodies of those who committed suicide.
I hated the heat. I hated the storms. I hated the roasted pigs to celebrate the return to China. I hated censorship. Wen Wei Po did not report anything about the demonstrations against the government.
It was my first waterloo in life. I got into the competitive journalism program. I got the chance to report a historical event. I was about to realize my dream, yet I found out I simply created a dream without any ground. I didn't know how the media functions or malfunctions. I tried it and hated it. I was so lost.
Probably I cannot live without a dream to realize. I'm in the middle of realizing another dream here. I want to be a social/developmental psychologist. I like research. Statistics is difficult but it's within my reach with hard work. I want to work in the university. I found my second dream in the university library when I lost my first. I feel in peace to be surrounded with books and journals in the library.
Even though I was lost, I felt like there's a way. So many people's wisdom and experiences are recorded in these endless shelves of books. I would find out a way from here.
So, here I'm still in graduate school. This is the 4th university at which I have studied and lived already. I can find satisfaction in my work. I feel like I'm growing every single day. I can only expect even more growth in the next 10 years. Hopefully I will be established in my career, in my 5th, 6th... school. :)
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
July 3, 2007, 9:56pm
So, gradually, I'm figuring out how to handle this journey towards my PhD. Basically, I need to get back to the mindset like when I was in high school.
1. Work
2. Stay interested
3. Remain focused no matter what other students or teachers say
4. Fight against other students and teachers when necessary
Memory can be distorted. But this is what I remember about how I got through high school. I liked few students and even fewer teachers there. They didn't work hard themselves. They didn't like me working so hard. They said I was making other students feeling stressed. They said I was crazy for working so hard. In the end, some of them didn't like me because I got into a prestigious university and a competitive program of my choice.
Well, if you want something, you find out the way to realize your goal, you work hard and achieve the goal, how crazy can this be?
If you want something, and you don't work hard. Then you don't get it in the end, who's there to blame?
It was an adverse situation in my high school. Somehow, in CUHK then LSE, I met other high-achieving friends. I met very good professors who were guiding me. I got supportive administrative staff in the department general offices. For sure I got librarians to help...
So, after high school, whenever I felt like I had to fight, I was not alone anymore. I got a team of good friends to fight together. Or at least they're cheering me up.
Getting through a PhD program is very different from getting a bachelor's or a master's. I'm taking courses relevant to the research I want to do. I'm working on research projects that hopefully will lead to my own research program in the future. It's all about me.
I still have very supportive administrative staff and librarians. I'm also lucky enough to have a very supportive and knowledgeable advisor. Yet, I feel like I'm fighting alone. I don't have a team of supportive friends more or less in the same condition of knowing all most nothing.
I fought alone back then in high school. I can fight alone again. For sure, I have a lot more resources to fight compared to the me when I was in high school.
I remember I was very interested in physics and chemistry. I spent hours to get the practice questions right if I got them wrong the first time. I worked, so very hard, by myself.
Somehow, I changed. I didn't like the work as an RA etc in the universities. It's just administrative stuff or very stupid statistics, or even flawed research design. Most supervisors didn't know research and they're doing it. Or I should say, they're pretending they're doing it.
It's no use to work hard. They didn't appreciate because they didn't know much themselves. Other people go up the ladder by shining shoes. They don't need to have much integrity and skills. They just have to stay in the office until 7 or 8pm. Not working though. Presence counts. Not productivity.
I need to get back into the fighting alone mode I had in high school. I know what I want to get. I need to find out who are the helpful people around. I need to ignore those stupid ones. I need to fight and cheer myself up. Aim at what I want to get, and get it.
So, gradually, I'm figuring out how to handle this journey towards my PhD. Basically, I need to get back to the mindset like when I was in high school.
1. Work
2. Stay interested
3. Remain focused no matter what other students or teachers say
4. Fight against other students and teachers when necessary
Memory can be distorted. But this is what I remember about how I got through high school. I liked few students and even fewer teachers there. They didn't work hard themselves. They didn't like me working so hard. They said I was making other students feeling stressed. They said I was crazy for working so hard. In the end, some of them didn't like me because I got into a prestigious university and a competitive program of my choice.
Well, if you want something, you find out the way to realize your goal, you work hard and achieve the goal, how crazy can this be?
If you want something, and you don't work hard. Then you don't get it in the end, who's there to blame?
It was an adverse situation in my high school. Somehow, in CUHK then LSE, I met other high-achieving friends. I met very good professors who were guiding me. I got supportive administrative staff in the department general offices. For sure I got librarians to help...
So, after high school, whenever I felt like I had to fight, I was not alone anymore. I got a team of good friends to fight together. Or at least they're cheering me up.
Getting through a PhD program is very different from getting a bachelor's or a master's. I'm taking courses relevant to the research I want to do. I'm working on research projects that hopefully will lead to my own research program in the future. It's all about me.
I still have very supportive administrative staff and librarians. I'm also lucky enough to have a very supportive and knowledgeable advisor. Yet, I feel like I'm fighting alone. I don't have a team of supportive friends more or less in the same condition of knowing all most nothing.
I fought alone back then in high school. I can fight alone again. For sure, I have a lot more resources to fight compared to the me when I was in high school.
I remember I was very interested in physics and chemistry. I spent hours to get the practice questions right if I got them wrong the first time. I worked, so very hard, by myself.
Somehow, I changed. I didn't like the work as an RA etc in the universities. It's just administrative stuff or very stupid statistics, or even flawed research design. Most supervisors didn't know research and they're doing it. Or I should say, they're pretending they're doing it.
It's no use to work hard. They didn't appreciate because they didn't know much themselves. Other people go up the ladder by shining shoes. They don't need to have much integrity and skills. They just have to stay in the office until 7 or 8pm. Not working though. Presence counts. Not productivity.
I need to get back into the fighting alone mode I had in high school. I know what I want to get. I need to find out who are the helpful people around. I need to ignore those stupid ones. I need to fight and cheer myself up. Aim at what I want to get, and get it.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
June 30, 2007, 11:11pm
Really tired... Was trying very hard to understand the longitudinal data analysis so that I can get the most out from the statistics workshop in Oregon next week.
Finally, I can catch a little bit more in these online seminars... It was basically impenetrable last week.
http://www.statmodel.com/trainhandouts.shtml
Really tired... Was trying very hard to understand the longitudinal data analysis so that I can get the most out from the statistics workshop in Oregon next week.
Finally, I can catch a little bit more in these online seminars... It was basically impenetrable last week.
http://www.statmodel.com/trainhandouts.shtml
Friday, June 29, 2007
June 29, 2007, 12:16pm
My Personality
My Personality
3 | |
52 | |
55 | |
56 | |
96 |
| You are neither a subdued loner nor a jovial chatterbox. You enjoy time with others but also time alone. You are calm and composed, reacting well to situations that most people would describe as stressful. A desire for tradition does not prevent you from trying new things. Your thinking is neither simple nor complex. To others you appear to be a well-educated person but not an intellectual. You have some concern with others' needs, and are generally pleasant, sympathetic, and cooperative. You set clear goals and pursue them with determination. People regard you as reliable and hard-working. |
Our range of Ugg Boots |
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Friday, June 15, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
June 13, 2007, 10:15pm
Just done my presentation about Hong Kong and growing up in Hong Kong. It was for a class on family and children in a global context.
The students were pretty impressed by the Victoria Harbour view. They also asked very good questions. How did Hong Kong become like this?
No idea. How can this happen for a place to transform into a financial center from a fishing village?
Just done my presentation about Hong Kong and growing up in Hong Kong. It was for a class on family and children in a global context.
The students were pretty impressed by the Victoria Harbour view. They also asked very good questions. How did Hong Kong become like this?
No idea. How can this happen for a place to transform into a financial center from a fishing village?
Sunday, June 10, 2007
June 10, 2007, 4:35pm
Success! So I can have scones in the middle of Colorado. :D
Ann used self-raising flour... I didn't see it here... So, I used the stupid all purpose flour the first time and the dough wouldn't rise at all... The birds had a big dinner.
So, I tried again and put some baking powder. Four scones came out from the oven perfect. This is amazing. I can have Scottish food here!!!
Success! So I can have scones in the middle of Colorado. :DAnn used self-raising flour... I didn't see it here... So, I used the stupid all purpose flour the first time and the dough wouldn't rise at all... The birds had a big dinner.
So, I tried again and put some baking powder. Four scones came out from the oven perfect. This is amazing. I can have Scottish food here!!!
Friday, June 08, 2007
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Monday, June 04, 2007
June 4, 2007, 10:30pm
Woke up at 5:30am. Jetlag.
***
I don't understand why Americans like to live in the suburb. Nothing happens here.
See, if I'm in Hong Kong, I can join the vigil. Things happen in the big cities and I can be part of it. Or how I could have seen the Queen's Golden Jubilee and Queen Mother's funeral procession.
Hong Kong is precious. Probably it's the only place in the world to have memorial events for June 4.
Woke up at 5:30am. Jetlag.
***
I don't understand why Americans like to live in the suburb. Nothing happens here.
See, if I'm in Hong Kong, I can join the vigil. Things happen in the big cities and I can be part of it. Or how I could have seen the Queen's Golden Jubilee and Queen Mother's funeral procession.
Hong Kong is precious. Probably it's the only place in the world to have memorial events for June 4.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
June 3, 2007, 5:23pm
Finally unpacked all my stuff from the bags and baggages. My room was a mess after two trips.
Got this sachet from Margo, a new friend in Scotland. :)
***
And what have I got in Colorado? A bee house or a wasp or whatnot in my car!
I was buying gas yesterday morning. Then found this ping pong ball size like horrible thing inside the little door where gas is filled. It was a 1-inch monster insect with black and bright yellow stripes.
Damn it. I had to buy anyways. I carefully put my hand 1 inch away from that damn thing. Openned the valve, filled in gas, and close the little door again. Then rushed to buy a bug spray.
I hate Colorado.
Finally unpacked all my stuff from the bags and baggages. My room was a mess after two trips.Got this sachet from Margo, a new friend in Scotland. :)
***
And what have I got in Colorado? A bee house or a wasp or whatnot in my car!
I was buying gas yesterday morning. Then found this ping pong ball size like horrible thing inside the little door where gas is filled. It was a 1-inch monster insect with black and bright yellow stripes.
Damn it. I had to buy anyways. I carefully put my hand 1 inch away from that damn thing. Openned the valve, filled in gas, and close the little door again. Then rushed to buy a bug spray.
I hate Colorado.
June 3, 2007, 10:48am
So, I've confirmed my love for Scotland and the UK in general. Scotland is charming and picturesque. People are generous and polite.
I don't like the States.
Got to find a way to get a postdoc somewhere in Europe.
***
My nightmare began after I left Edinburgh five years ago. Terrible workplaces, a crazy mom, knee problems...
I had nightmares two times when I was in my friends' house. The first was that somehow I was in high school again. Puzzling about why I was back there required to take the classes I was not interested in. Why was there no choice about classes? I got two higher degrees already. Why would I be stuck in this small hellish classroom again?
The second nightmare was something about my crazy mom. Forgot about what that was.
The moment I landed in Edinburgh, I feel like, this is time to conclude my dark age period in Hong Kong. My life has to begin again. Just leave the dark period behind.
***
Little things I like about Scotland:
From "A Year with The Naismiths:"
p. 12
The father said to his son:
"You are fearless enough on horseback, certainly. But could you work in a team and sink your own wishes for the sake of others?"
p. 15
A little girl introduced her family to a new friend:
"I'll try to describe the Naismith family to you," laughed Norma. "First, there's Dad, who is a dear, but he works so hard at his profession that we don't see as much of him as we should like. Then there's Mums -- the very nicest sort of mother that any one could have. If you are ever in a fix, talk to her and you will wonder how she makes things plain. She does not just tell you what to do like most grown-ups, but she makes you see why it should be done, and helps you to do it."
p. 22
A little boy's realization:
"At the end of her examination he had regretfully to acknowledge to himself that in several subjects he was far below the average boy of his age at Carden College. His tutor -- a delicate student sent to India for his health -- had laid special stress on such branches of learning as were most congenial both to himself and the boy, with the result that George's education was a very one-sided one. He was therefore thankful to have a term in which to study hard so as not to make such a poor appearance when he went to school. He quickly settled to work and made quite good progress."
***
I don't see why Americans give As to just any student.
So, I've confirmed my love for Scotland and the UK in general. Scotland is charming and picturesque. People are generous and polite.
I don't like the States.
Got to find a way to get a postdoc somewhere in Europe.
***
My nightmare began after I left Edinburgh five years ago. Terrible workplaces, a crazy mom, knee problems...
I had nightmares two times when I was in my friends' house. The first was that somehow I was in high school again. Puzzling about why I was back there required to take the classes I was not interested in. Why was there no choice about classes? I got two higher degrees already. Why would I be stuck in this small hellish classroom again?
The second nightmare was something about my crazy mom. Forgot about what that was.
The moment I landed in Edinburgh, I feel like, this is time to conclude my dark age period in Hong Kong. My life has to begin again. Just leave the dark period behind.
***
Little things I like about Scotland:
From "A Year with The Naismiths:"
p. 12
The father said to his son:
"You are fearless enough on horseback, certainly. But could you work in a team and sink your own wishes for the sake of others?"
p. 15
A little girl introduced her family to a new friend:
"I'll try to describe the Naismith family to you," laughed Norma. "First, there's Dad, who is a dear, but he works so hard at his profession that we don't see as much of him as we should like. Then there's Mums -- the very nicest sort of mother that any one could have. If you are ever in a fix, talk to her and you will wonder how she makes things plain. She does not just tell you what to do like most grown-ups, but she makes you see why it should be done, and helps you to do it."
p. 22
A little boy's realization:
"At the end of her examination he had regretfully to acknowledge to himself that in several subjects he was far below the average boy of his age at Carden College. His tutor -- a delicate student sent to India for his health -- had laid special stress on such branches of learning as were most congenial both to himself and the boy, with the result that George's education was a very one-sided one. He was therefore thankful to have a term in which to study hard so as not to make such a poor appearance when he went to school. He quickly settled to work and made quite good progress."
***
I don't see why Americans give As to just any student.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
May 17, 2007, 3:06am
So, all the time spending in the Space Museum watching movies has paid off. I finally see the Grand Canyon in front of my own eyes.
This is real. This is not only in the movies. I was there... Isn't it amazing?
Got to sleep... Will fly to Scotland tomorrow morning... Should dream about going to the South Pole...
So, all the time spending in the Space Museum watching movies has paid off. I finally see the Grand Canyon in front of my own eyes.This is real. This is not only in the movies. I was there... Isn't it amazing?
Got to sleep... Will fly to Scotland tomorrow morning... Should dream about going to the South Pole...
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Monday, May 07, 2007
May 7, 2007, 7:44pm
Got my penpal's letter. She's in Cleveland. I'll see her in Edinburgh. :)
Have been writing with her for 15 years. I didn't manage any time to see her when I was in London. Regret about it for the last five years.
We're two poor kids 15 years ago, just hoping to write letters all our lives. Plane tickets were far from reach and there's no internet.
She still doesn't have any computer at home. Economic inequality in the UK is acute. It's too expensive to afford a computer and the internet connection.
Feeling like, we're not poor kids anymore. She got money to get a train ticket and a hotel room in Edinburgh. And this will be my forth time going to Scotland.
Seriously, I feel like I won't have any regret in my life when I will finally see her after all these years. I've been to the snowy mountain top, the deserts, the oceans, the lakes and the lochs...
Yes, there're still far too many in the world to see. But I feel like I have made a lot of accomplishments, thinking about the 15-year-old me. All these adventures did not come across my mind at all when I was 15. I was simply indulging in novels all day long... imaging it would be great to go to different places or even the outerspace.
衛斯理
原振俠
高達
羅開
古龍
I'm really blessed. :)
Got my penpal's letter. She's in Cleveland. I'll see her in Edinburgh. :)
Have been writing with her for 15 years. I didn't manage any time to see her when I was in London. Regret about it for the last five years.
We're two poor kids 15 years ago, just hoping to write letters all our lives. Plane tickets were far from reach and there's no internet.
She still doesn't have any computer at home. Economic inequality in the UK is acute. It's too expensive to afford a computer and the internet connection.
Feeling like, we're not poor kids anymore. She got money to get a train ticket and a hotel room in Edinburgh. And this will be my forth time going to Scotland.
Seriously, I feel like I won't have any regret in my life when I will finally see her after all these years. I've been to the snowy mountain top, the deserts, the oceans, the lakes and the lochs...
Yes, there're still far too many in the world to see. But I feel like I have made a lot of accomplishments, thinking about the 15-year-old me. All these adventures did not come across my mind at all when I was 15. I was simply indulging in novels all day long... imaging it would be great to go to different places or even the outerspace.
衛斯理
原振俠
高達
羅開
古龍
I'm really blessed. :)
May 7, 2007, 4:14pm
My brain doesn't work... I'm just stuck with statistics. What the hack this studentized deleted residual is?
***
Fed up reading about employment of Hong Kong university graduates. So, Hong Kong university graduates don't have good handwriting. What a ridiculous quality to look for in our young people. What are the companies looking for calligraphers? What is the standard of good handwriting?
So, after years of criticisms against u. grads about lacking "international perspective," poor English, poor Chinese, poor Mandarin... Now, our young people are criticized for not writing well.
Next year probably some of those potential employers may criticize our young people for not sitting well, standing well, eating well, sleeping well... What about having sex well?
U. grads are required to take IELTS to prove their English abilities after years of criticisms. Someone probably should create a handwriting exam for our young people and employ the policy of "no pass, no graduation."
***
All these legitimate or illegitmate criticisms oftentimes remind me of "A Clockwork Orange."
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066921/plotsummary
Our social institutions can be outragious and very violent. In this case, I see violence against our young people.
***
Makes me feel like shooting those suckheads who make those stupid comments about u. grads. Why not, if so many people can believe a war against terrorism, killing Saddam Hussein is a victory...
A life can be ended even though no one has found any massive destructive weapon. Just happens that some people in our societies can create legitimate reasons to kill.
What is the evidence of poor language abilities, handwriting, and whatnot in our u. grads? Really wonder how to study violence against young people...
My brain doesn't work... I'm just stuck with statistics. What the hack this studentized deleted residual is?
***
Fed up reading about employment of Hong Kong university graduates. So, Hong Kong university graduates don't have good handwriting. What a ridiculous quality to look for in our young people. What are the companies looking for calligraphers? What is the standard of good handwriting?
So, after years of criticisms against u. grads about lacking "international perspective," poor English, poor Chinese, poor Mandarin... Now, our young people are criticized for not writing well.
Next year probably some of those potential employers may criticize our young people for not sitting well, standing well, eating well, sleeping well... What about having sex well?
U. grads are required to take IELTS to prove their English abilities after years of criticisms. Someone probably should create a handwriting exam for our young people and employ the policy of "no pass, no graduation."
***
All these legitimate or illegitmate criticisms oftentimes remind me of "A Clockwork Orange."
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066921/plotsummary
Our social institutions can be outragious and very violent. In this case, I see violence against our young people.
***
Makes me feel like shooting those suckheads who make those stupid comments about u. grads. Why not, if so many people can believe a war against terrorism, killing Saddam Hussein is a victory...
A life can be ended even though no one has found any massive destructive weapon. Just happens that some people in our societies can create legitimate reasons to kill.
What is the evidence of poor language abilities, handwriting, and whatnot in our u. grads? Really wonder how to study violence against young people...
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Saturday, May 05, 2007
May 5, 2007, 7:26pm
Wanted to say something about what a participant said in the interview... But it may not be ethical to put the confidential information here...
Basically, I just want to say older adults have good stories to tell. Just like Ann and Bert. :)
Some of the participants talked about growing up after the Depression and everyone was poor etc. I only briefly read about the history but it's always fascinating to tell how they experienced the tough times.
I'm fed up reading the Hong Kong news. All pessimistic about the economy, education, healthcare system, entertainment industry... Come on, do something. What can we try? Try it.
Which country would not experience any tough times? US had the depression. UK had the two wars. Japan got two nuclear bombs. China is finally growing after hundreds of years of war. Shouldn't we be happy about the revival? What can we contribute?
Wanted to say something about what a participant said in the interview... But it may not be ethical to put the confidential information here...
Basically, I just want to say older adults have good stories to tell. Just like Ann and Bert. :)
Some of the participants talked about growing up after the Depression and everyone was poor etc. I only briefly read about the history but it's always fascinating to tell how they experienced the tough times.
I'm fed up reading the Hong Kong news. All pessimistic about the economy, education, healthcare system, entertainment industry... Come on, do something. What can we try? Try it.
Which country would not experience any tough times? US had the depression. UK had the two wars. Japan got two nuclear bombs. China is finally growing after hundreds of years of war. Shouldn't we be happy about the revival? What can we contribute?
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
May 3, 2007, 1:06am
Friends were trying to give me a surprise birthday party. Well, too bad, I found it out. :P
I feel I'm so loved. Haven't had this feeling for a long long time already... Or I have tried not to feel it.
***
Very angry to read the tragedy about the mother setting fire and killed the daughter. Look at this, people. Recognize the fact. Not all mothers are loving. And I don't believe that mothers are "in fact" loving but some of them simply don't know how to show their love.
Look at this. Mothers can kill. Mothers abuse their kids. Mothers don't become saints once they give birth to kids.
Mothers kill and abuse. (Fathers too) They don't necessarily have to have psychological or psychiatric disorders. Mother nature is not completely love and only love.
Yet, somehow, when Mother's Day comes, the newspapers will be flooded with touching stories glorifying mothers. Sometimes some people simply don't want to recognize that reality is different from the ideal.
And they're still giving excuses for her killing. Stress in life, blah blah blah... Can this be accepted as a reason for the guy who shot 33 people dead in Virginia Tech? Why the double standard for a mother's killing? So, mothers kill for a legitimate reason? Would mothers got a reason to abuse kids too?
Damn nonsense. I begin to feel why checking assumptions is so important in statistics. Look at the assumption here. Why mothers are assumed to be saints? If they happen to do the opposite, so many people seem like they don't feel comfortable about it. Then they try to give legitimate external factors to explain the mother's non-loving behaviors.
Genes and environment interact. Mothers' horrible behaviors cannot be explained away by giving only external factors. Mothers are human beings, they got genes. Genes can suck. Or why is there Down's syndrome etc. Mothers got genes. They may suck by nature.
Friends were trying to give me a surprise birthday party. Well, too bad, I found it out. :P
I feel I'm so loved. Haven't had this feeling for a long long time already... Or I have tried not to feel it.
***
Very angry to read the tragedy about the mother setting fire and killed the daughter. Look at this, people. Recognize the fact. Not all mothers are loving. And I don't believe that mothers are "in fact" loving but some of them simply don't know how to show their love.
Look at this. Mothers can kill. Mothers abuse their kids. Mothers don't become saints once they give birth to kids.
Mothers kill and abuse. (Fathers too) They don't necessarily have to have psychological or psychiatric disorders. Mother nature is not completely love and only love.
Yet, somehow, when Mother's Day comes, the newspapers will be flooded with touching stories glorifying mothers. Sometimes some people simply don't want to recognize that reality is different from the ideal.
And they're still giving excuses for her killing. Stress in life, blah blah blah... Can this be accepted as a reason for the guy who shot 33 people dead in Virginia Tech? Why the double standard for a mother's killing? So, mothers kill for a legitimate reason? Would mothers got a reason to abuse kids too?
Damn nonsense. I begin to feel why checking assumptions is so important in statistics. Look at the assumption here. Why mothers are assumed to be saints? If they happen to do the opposite, so many people seem like they don't feel comfortable about it. Then they try to give legitimate external factors to explain the mother's non-loving behaviors.
Genes and environment interact. Mothers' horrible behaviors cannot be explained away by giving only external factors. Mothers are human beings, they got genes. Genes can suck. Or why is there Down's syndrome etc. Mothers got genes. They may suck by nature.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
May 1, 2007, 11:00pm
Who on earth can help me with structural equation modeling?
Somebody please help~~~
***
Helped two friends to make websites for their assignment. Dreamweaver and HTML are just games for me. It's just fun to make webpages. Yet, my friends were screaming days and nights even though I assured them it's simple. Even high school kids can make websites. Graduate students for sure will learn how.
Then, who's going to help this poor graduate student to do graduate school stuff? What am I going to do with model building? How do I put the data into LISREL?
Who on earth can help me with structural equation modeling?
Somebody please help~~~
***
Helped two friends to make websites for their assignment. Dreamweaver and HTML are just games for me. It's just fun to make webpages. Yet, my friends were screaming days and nights even though I assured them it's simple. Even high school kids can make websites. Graduate students for sure will learn how.
Then, who's going to help this poor graduate student to do graduate school stuff? What am I going to do with model building? How do I put the data into LISREL?
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Friday, April 27, 2007
April 28, 2007, 12:48am
Was wondering when I had m... Four months ago? No clue. So, made dong gui, red dates, and chicken, I'm having m after only three days...
Amazing, especially when this is such a stressful time of the semester. I rarely have m when I'm having a lot of stress.
This is a treasure to be able to make soup in the middle of nowhere.
Was wondering when I had m... Four months ago? No clue. So, made dong gui, red dates, and chicken, I'm having m after only three days...
Amazing, especially when this is such a stressful time of the semester. I rarely have m when I'm having a lot of stress.
This is a treasure to be able to make soup in the middle of nowhere.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
April 24, 2007, 5:50pm
Nightmare...
It's my brother. I was in the bathroom and he came in. Not that he came in accidentally then apologize a million times and rushed out. He came in and he was there washing his hands. And this is OK for him!
This is all the intrusion that I had experienced when I was living with all those crazy people. They are all crazy. They don't respect me. They don't respect themselves.
All three of them go to the bathroom without shutting the door. And my desk was right outside the bathroom in the balcony only 3 feets away.
One time my father had the door half shut. I was not aware that he's in there. Then he was yelling at me that I openned the door when he's in there. Come on, who on earth would go pee without closing the door? Who on earth would know someone's in the bathroom when the door was not closed?
Then my mother added salt to the wound and said how come I didn't know. How would I know? Do I have to follow all three of you crazy suckheads around in the damn place? Why don't you shut the door?
I have no idea how these people can do disrespectful things like this. I feel like they're peeing on me.
For a long time I felt like maybe I was the oddball. Maybe it's me who's a difficult person to live with. But come on, I live with my roommate here and I don't have terrible things like this happening to me at all.
I don't understand this. I don't want to understand them. I just want them far away. Don't disturb me.
Nightmare...
It's my brother. I was in the bathroom and he came in. Not that he came in accidentally then apologize a million times and rushed out. He came in and he was there washing his hands. And this is OK for him!
This is all the intrusion that I had experienced when I was living with all those crazy people. They are all crazy. They don't respect me. They don't respect themselves.
All three of them go to the bathroom without shutting the door. And my desk was right outside the bathroom in the balcony only 3 feets away.
One time my father had the door half shut. I was not aware that he's in there. Then he was yelling at me that I openned the door when he's in there. Come on, who on earth would go pee without closing the door? Who on earth would know someone's in the bathroom when the door was not closed?
Then my mother added salt to the wound and said how come I didn't know. How would I know? Do I have to follow all three of you crazy suckheads around in the damn place? Why don't you shut the door?
I have no idea how these people can do disrespectful things like this. I feel like they're peeing on me.
For a long time I felt like maybe I was the oddball. Maybe it's me who's a difficult person to live with. But come on, I live with my roommate here and I don't have terrible things like this happening to me at all.
I don't understand this. I don't want to understand them. I just want them far away. Don't disturb me.
Friday, April 20, 2007
April 21, 2007, 12:23am
If those people with a critical eye to the society can find their way to places like LSE, they may become distinguished scholars and not shooters.
***
Was interviewing an undergraduate student today. Need to look for an RA for the lab. He has this weird haircut. He's obviously very smart. He knows exactly what he wants to do and he's working hard to take the steps towards his goal.
My advisor said, sometimes it's good to be different. There can be meanings associated with being different. We don't have to be the same as everyone else.
Well, I had that eye-catching blonde short hair when I was in CUHK. Yet, I doubt any professors said anything remotely comparable to what my advisor said.
I didn't even get accepted in the psychology postgraduate diploma program. I have little idea what those CUHK people looked for in their potential graduate students. Anyways, I should thank them for not accepting me. Or I would not go to LSE.
I might be a shooter if I continued to study in CUHK.
If those people with a critical eye to the society can find their way to places like LSE, they may become distinguished scholars and not shooters.
***
Was interviewing an undergraduate student today. Need to look for an RA for the lab. He has this weird haircut. He's obviously very smart. He knows exactly what he wants to do and he's working hard to take the steps towards his goal.
My advisor said, sometimes it's good to be different. There can be meanings associated with being different. We don't have to be the same as everyone else.
Well, I had that eye-catching blonde short hair when I was in CUHK. Yet, I doubt any professors said anything remotely comparable to what my advisor said.
I didn't even get accepted in the psychology postgraduate diploma program. I have little idea what those CUHK people looked for in their potential graduate students. Anyways, I should thank them for not accepting me. Or I would not go to LSE.
I might be a shooter if I continued to study in CUHK.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
April 17, 2007, 10:26pm
Hong Kong news is, when US news said the shooting suspect was Asian, they said the suspect was Chinese. Hong Kong news also got quite a lot of details, for example, he flew from Shanghai, entered the US at San Francisco... blah blah blah...
Hong Kong news is, when US news said the shooting suspect was a South Korean, they said nothing about how they came up with the story about the Chinese shooting suspect.
Hong Kong news is, very disappointing. Who has the social responsibility to provide accurate news reports?
Hong Kong news is, when US news said the shooting suspect was Asian, they said the suspect was Chinese. Hong Kong news also got quite a lot of details, for example, he flew from Shanghai, entered the US at San Francisco... blah blah blah...
Hong Kong news is, when US news said the shooting suspect was a South Korean, they said nothing about how they came up with the story about the Chinese shooting suspect.
Hong Kong news is, very disappointing. Who has the social responsibility to provide accurate news reports?
Sunday, April 15, 2007
April 15, 2007, 11:11pm
Got very lost today. Took my friends to go to an arts and craft place because they had to buy a cardboard for their poster presentation. Then, we're supposed to go north to Walmart for grocery shopping...
Well, we went down south for almost 15 minutes. I turned back only when we're getting to a very rural countryside. Yet, it's very beautiful there in a very beautiful sunny day.
I got sunburn even sitting in the car driving...
Maybe I should buy a compass and have it sticked in front of me...
Got very lost today. Took my friends to go to an arts and craft place because they had to buy a cardboard for their poster presentation. Then, we're supposed to go north to Walmart for grocery shopping...
Well, we went down south for almost 15 minutes. I turned back only when we're getting to a very rural countryside. Yet, it's very beautiful there in a very beautiful sunny day.
I got sunburn even sitting in the car driving...
Maybe I should buy a compass and have it sticked in front of me...
Thursday, April 12, 2007
April 12, 2007, 8:30pm
Nightmare. Woke up at 6pm in shock, shivering... Then was rolling in bed for two hours... Horror.
It's the bunny. I don't remember when that was. Dad picked up a bunny in the street. Probably someone had it abandoned there.
So, the very cute bunny was home for two days or so. Then it died. Very painfully.
Mom gave it veggie... without washing it... The bunny died, screaming overnight. Probably it's the agricultural poison.
The bunny's scream is like a beeper. Once every two seconds, overnight. At first, it's very painful scream. In the end, it's coarse and lacking vigor. Still one scream every two seconds... Until there's silence.
I didn't sleep that night... with the bunny's scream in my ears. But I could do nothing when I was a kid. I'd probably call any vet place if I was older. I fed it with the unwashed veggie too... I was contributing to its suffering...
It died. I didn't look at its body. It's too painful. Too horrible. Too cruel.
I sort of remember Mom's snoring at night. Nothing would bother her sleep. She has this extraordinary ability to ignore anyone's suffering and pain.
I grew up that way. It's a miracle that I'm still alive.
Maybe it's because I didn't scream even when I was suffering, she wouldn't even know what she's doing to me. Even though I'm having so many symptoms of posttraumatic disorder, she wouldn't know what traumas she's giving to me because I didn't scream.
Yet, it may not be helpful to scream anyways. She won't notice. She has this craziness to turn her attention elsewhere.
Why? Why is the mom in Toyko Tower, the TV drama, so loving? And she would remember to feed Gozila, the bunny? And the bunny won't die, at least in the TV?
Nightmare. Woke up at 6pm in shock, shivering... Then was rolling in bed for two hours... Horror.
It's the bunny. I don't remember when that was. Dad picked up a bunny in the street. Probably someone had it abandoned there.
So, the very cute bunny was home for two days or so. Then it died. Very painfully.
Mom gave it veggie... without washing it... The bunny died, screaming overnight. Probably it's the agricultural poison.
The bunny's scream is like a beeper. Once every two seconds, overnight. At first, it's very painful scream. In the end, it's coarse and lacking vigor. Still one scream every two seconds... Until there's silence.
I didn't sleep that night... with the bunny's scream in my ears. But I could do nothing when I was a kid. I'd probably call any vet place if I was older. I fed it with the unwashed veggie too... I was contributing to its suffering...
It died. I didn't look at its body. It's too painful. Too horrible. Too cruel.
I sort of remember Mom's snoring at night. Nothing would bother her sleep. She has this extraordinary ability to ignore anyone's suffering and pain.
I grew up that way. It's a miracle that I'm still alive.
Maybe it's because I didn't scream even when I was suffering, she wouldn't even know what she's doing to me. Even though I'm having so many symptoms of posttraumatic disorder, she wouldn't know what traumas she's giving to me because I didn't scream.
Yet, it may not be helpful to scream anyways. She won't notice. She has this craziness to turn her attention elsewhere.
Why? Why is the mom in Toyko Tower, the TV drama, so loving? And she would remember to feed Gozila, the bunny? And the bunny won't die, at least in the TV?
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