April 12, 2007, 8:30pm

Nightmare. Woke up at 6pm in shock, shivering... Then was rolling in bed for two hours... Horror.

It's the bunny. I don't remember when that was. Dad picked up a bunny in the street. Probably someone had it abandoned there.

So, the very cute bunny was home for two days or so. Then it died. Very painfully.

Mom gave it veggie... without washing it... The bunny died, screaming overnight. Probably it's the agricultural poison.

The bunny's scream is like a beeper. Once every two seconds, overnight. At first, it's very painful scream. In the end, it's coarse and lacking vigor. Still one scream every two seconds... Until there's silence.

I didn't sleep that night... with the bunny's scream in my ears. But I could do nothing when I was a kid. I'd probably call any vet place if I was older. I fed it with the unwashed veggie too... I was contributing to its suffering...

It died. I didn't look at its body. It's too painful. Too horrible. Too cruel.

I sort of remember Mom's snoring at night. Nothing would bother her sleep. She has this extraordinary ability to ignore anyone's suffering and pain.

I grew up that way. It's a miracle that I'm still alive.

Maybe it's because I didn't scream even when I was suffering, she wouldn't even know what she's doing to me. Even though I'm having so many symptoms of posttraumatic disorder, she wouldn't know what traumas she's giving to me because I didn't scream.

Yet, it may not be helpful to scream anyways. She won't notice. She has this craziness to turn her attention elsewhere.

Why? Why is the mom in Toyko Tower, the TV drama, so loving? And she would remember to feed Gozila, the bunny? And the bunny won't die, at least in the TV?