October 30, 2007, 1:19pm
This has to work out. Or I don't know when I can graduate...
Come on, make it happen!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Sunday, October 28, 2007
October 28, 2007, 7:59pm
Got to write this down. So, now, in addition to not locking the door and window door, not turning off the fire and oven, not cleaning the bathroom and kitchen, this is what my roommate did not do today.
She did not close the freezer door and the fridge door. The two doors were half open when I was back at 2pm after working in the lab.
So, I put a notice on her door.
***
She's sick again. As always, every two weeks or less. And she's not yet seen the doctor.
So, I cleaned everything. Sucks.
Got to write this down. So, now, in addition to not locking the door and window door, not turning off the fire and oven, not cleaning the bathroom and kitchen, this is what my roommate did not do today.
She did not close the freezer door and the fridge door. The two doors were half open when I was back at 2pm after working in the lab.
So, I put a notice on her door.
***
She's sick again. As always, every two weeks or less. And she's not yet seen the doctor.
So, I cleaned everything. Sucks.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Friday, October 26, 2007
October 26, 2007, 8:42pm
My advisor asked whether I'd be in the office tomorrow. I said, no, I'll go to a pumpkin farm to get a pumpkin.
He asked because we're supposed to put together a dataset for analysis. Then he said, go, go to pumpkin whatever.
He meant it. Because I have been working in the lab seven days a week I cannot remember since when. So, it's time to do something else tomorrow.
***
I cannot shake off my memories of those times I worked until 11pm in Hong Kong, or Saturday afternoons and more. Those bosses probably believe they paid me to work and they bought my life.
***
Got this children's book from the public library. It's a simple, humble book. Nothing extravagance.
Maynard, T. (1999). Working with wildlife: A guide to careers in the animal world. New York: Franklin Watts.
Here's the foreword by Jane Goodall.
p. 8
"When I first dreamed of living with animals in Africa, people laughed. It was half a century ago. Africa was known as the 'Dark Continent.' It was far, far away, wild and primitive and savage. You went there by boat. Moreover, my family didn't have much money -- enough for food and some clothes, but not enough for a bicycle, let alone a car.
"'Dream of something you can actually achieve,' people said. Except for my mother. Her message was different: 'If you really want something and work hard and take advantage of opportunities and never give up, you will find a way.' Well, I did! And so can you. If you have a dream of working with, of helping animals and their world, don't let anyone tell you it is impossible. Just remember my mother's advice -- it is mine: 'Follow your dreams.'"
***
Somehow, this makes me think, do people ever learn this when they're small? Do people believe when they hear this? Do they remember this throughout their lives? Or at some point in time, they forget what they've learnt? Or at some point when they are growing up, they unlearn this because it seems naive to believe?
***
More from the book, p. 14-17.
Do not wait until you win the lottery to do what you want to do. You would be amazed at how many well-educated people who have all the options in the world open to them waste their time waiting for something to happen.
The worst thing that would-be wildlife workers can say to me when I ask what they most want to do, is that they wish they could win the lottery so that they would then have the freedom to pursue their dreams.
[T]he simple fact that you are holding this book in your hands means that you've already won the evolutionary lottery. It took billions of years of evolution just for humans to appear on the scene a few million years ago. Since that time we people have changed the environment around us dramatically, but we have not changed all that much ourselves. There is one thing for certain, though -- when your mom and dad got together and created you, that was the real lottery worth winning. You are one in 6 billion (the current human population on Earth), and there is no other like you.
***
Just wonder, what kind of books do children read in Hong Kong? What books do parents read to their children?
My advisor asked whether I'd be in the office tomorrow. I said, no, I'll go to a pumpkin farm to get a pumpkin.
He asked because we're supposed to put together a dataset for analysis. Then he said, go, go to pumpkin whatever.
He meant it. Because I have been working in the lab seven days a week I cannot remember since when. So, it's time to do something else tomorrow.
***
I cannot shake off my memories of those times I worked until 11pm in Hong Kong, or Saturday afternoons and more. Those bosses probably believe they paid me to work and they bought my life.
***
Got this children's book from the public library. It's a simple, humble book. Nothing extravagance.
Maynard, T. (1999). Working with wildlife: A guide to careers in the animal world. New York: Franklin Watts.
Here's the foreword by Jane Goodall.
p. 8
"When I first dreamed of living with animals in Africa, people laughed. It was half a century ago. Africa was known as the 'Dark Continent.' It was far, far away, wild and primitive and savage. You went there by boat. Moreover, my family didn't have much money -- enough for food and some clothes, but not enough for a bicycle, let alone a car.
"'Dream of something you can actually achieve,' people said. Except for my mother. Her message was different: 'If you really want something and work hard and take advantage of opportunities and never give up, you will find a way.' Well, I did! And so can you. If you have a dream of working with, of helping animals and their world, don't let anyone tell you it is impossible. Just remember my mother's advice -- it is mine: 'Follow your dreams.'"
***
Somehow, this makes me think, do people ever learn this when they're small? Do people believe when they hear this? Do they remember this throughout their lives? Or at some point in time, they forget what they've learnt? Or at some point when they are growing up, they unlearn this because it seems naive to believe?
***
More from the book, p. 14-17.
Do not wait until you win the lottery to do what you want to do. You would be amazed at how many well-educated people who have all the options in the world open to them waste their time waiting for something to happen.
The worst thing that would-be wildlife workers can say to me when I ask what they most want to do, is that they wish they could win the lottery so that they would then have the freedom to pursue their dreams.
[T]he simple fact that you are holding this book in your hands means that you've already won the evolutionary lottery. It took billions of years of evolution just for humans to appear on the scene a few million years ago. Since that time we people have changed the environment around us dramatically, but we have not changed all that much ourselves. There is one thing for certain, though -- when your mom and dad got together and created you, that was the real lottery worth winning. You are one in 6 billion (the current human population on Earth), and there is no other like you.
***
Just wonder, what kind of books do children read in Hong Kong? What books do parents read to their children?
Monday, October 22, 2007
October 22, 2007, 10:15pm
Nightmares... ai. Never remember what the content of argument was. Only woke up with all the stress and tension.
So, I lived with such a high level of tension for years? This is pretty incredible how I tolerated that.
Well, I don't want this anymore in my life. I have no idea what made my mom to make the hell out of me. Never mind. I will not give her any chance to hurt me again.
Nightmares... ai. Never remember what the content of argument was. Only woke up with all the stress and tension.
So, I lived with such a high level of tension for years? This is pretty incredible how I tolerated that.
Well, I don't want this anymore in my life. I have no idea what made my mom to make the hell out of me. Never mind. I will not give her any chance to hurt me again.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Monday, October 08, 2007
October 8, 2007, 11:24pm
Got very agitated after the neuropsychology class this evening. A student was presenting about childhood trauma and the effect on the brain structures and processes.
It's simply self-denial to say the past doesn't bother me. Self-denial actually doesn't work. Got a sharp chest pain.
Got very agitated after the neuropsychology class this evening. A student was presenting about childhood trauma and the effect on the brain structures and processes.
It's simply self-denial to say the past doesn't bother me. Self-denial actually doesn't work. Got a sharp chest pain.
Saturday, October 06, 2007
October 6, 2007, 11:22pm
Had a nightmare... I always have similar nightmares when I'm stressed out with work. Most of the time, I will be in high school, studying pure math, physics, etc. Then get very puzzled and angry why I'm still doing these.
I was in a kindergarten last night... I was walking around in the very small classroom with very small chairs, wondering why I have to study in the kindergarten. I have a master's already. I am in a PhD program. Why am I here? Why do I have to begin from the very beginning again? I don't want to do this again. I have done it already...
Must be very stressed out these days...
***
Bert is in the hospital in Australia. Need to call Ann tomorrow. Very sad.
Had a nightmare... I always have similar nightmares when I'm stressed out with work. Most of the time, I will be in high school, studying pure math, physics, etc. Then get very puzzled and angry why I'm still doing these.
I was in a kindergarten last night... I was walking around in the very small classroom with very small chairs, wondering why I have to study in the kindergarten. I have a master's already. I am in a PhD program. Why am I here? Why do I have to begin from the very beginning again? I don't want to do this again. I have done it already...
Must be very stressed out these days...
***
Bert is in the hospital in Australia. Need to call Ann tomorrow. Very sad.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Monday, October 01, 2007
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