July 5, 2007, 8:03pm

Ten years passed without me realizing. I saw fireworks the first time in my life during the handover, 1997. I remember I was very exhausted after probably 14-hour work in Wen Wei Po. I left the office from Aberdeen and it just happened that it's time for the fireworks.

That was a very tragic summer. I was about to realize my dream to be a journalist. I was in my internship yet I found that I hated almost all aspects of the work. I loved the school work. But I hated all the ugly faces that I saw in all those tycoons and government officials. I hated to see the indifference towards people in car accidents etc. I hated to see the reporters joking about the dead bodies of those who committed suicide.

I hated the heat. I hated the storms. I hated the roasted pigs to celebrate the return to China. I hated censorship. Wen Wei Po did not report anything about the demonstrations against the government.

It was my first waterloo in life. I got into the competitive journalism program. I got the chance to report a historical event. I was about to realize my dream, yet I found out I simply created a dream without any ground. I didn't know how the media functions or malfunctions. I tried it and hated it. I was so lost.

Probably I cannot live without a dream to realize. I'm in the middle of realizing another dream here. I want to be a social/developmental psychologist. I like research. Statistics is difficult but it's within my reach with hard work. I want to work in the university. I found my second dream in the university library when I lost my first. I feel in peace to be surrounded with books and journals in the library.

Even though I was lost, I felt like there's a way. So many people's wisdom and experiences are recorded in these endless shelves of books. I would find out a way from here.

So, here I'm still in graduate school. This is the 4th university at which I have studied and lived already. I can find satisfaction in my work. I feel like I'm growing every single day. I can only expect even more growth in the next 10 years. Hopefully I will be established in my career, in my 5th, 6th... school. :)