February 12, 2006, 1:14am

Noodle King is such a luxury. It's much much more than abalone. :)

My Christmas gift from Sister Faye finally arrived after the Chinese New Year. Yeah!!! Thank you so much. :~~~

It's a full big box of Chinese herbs and instant noodles. One pack of Noodle King is already in my stomach. The bowl of hot noodles makes me feel I have the world, after working in my office until 10pm.


Well, yes, I can buy instant noodles in the Chinese markets here. But their Chinese herbs are very bad. Absolutely low quality, if not the lowest. It's only when I see those bad stuff here I realize I had so many good things in Hong Kong.

Like last week, I simply couldn't recognize the cai xin here. I have eaten so many cai xin in my life. Never before see any cai xin so thin and long...

You see this standard or protocal look of cai xin here: http://news.jgny.net/2005/6-23/134535.htm

Really, nothing can be taken for granted. Is cai xin still cai xin when it's thin and long with very small leaves? It can look so completely different. So, this is one case of the interaction of nature and nurture. Maybe it's cai xin genetically but the environment can make it look like something else.

And is mother a mother when she is not doing what a mother is expected to do? OK, I have to be a student.

My counselor asked me to write down my recurrent nightmares. I had one this morning. So, let me put it here.

This is a new one. I was taking a shower feeling strange because the shower box feels smaller than usual. And the bottles of shampoo and bodywash look different. Different color, different shape. Just not like those I used to use.

Then, I saw my mother suddenly emerged from several luggages. That is, the lugguage opened itself and she came out from it. I had no idea how the luggages get in here. I had all the fear in the world, yelling, how can you get in here. How can you come here this way. Why do you come here...

Then, as usual, woke up very frightened. Ai... how come I have a new version of nightmares?

My recurrent one is that, somehow I don't know why, I see my mother. I would think, where am I? Why would I see her here? Then, I would say something that I didn't ever say to her yet I kept it suppressed. An example would be, how come you don't turn on the air con when it's so damn hot? You only think about to save money for your son to get married. You don't even buy food and cook reasonable food for me.

Then, we'd get into a verbal fight. In a second, it's a physical fight. She would hold my neck trying to suffocate me. Then, I did the same to her, trying to kill her before she killed me. Then, woke up all tensed. Couldn't sleep anymore no matter if it's 3am.

The nightmares are somehow based on facts, my memories. Sometimes I would question myself during the nightmare if I'm just dreaming. But things look very real. Not a time I can tell myself this is not real.

I should be very happy looking at this whole box of good food. Yet, thinking about the nightmares and all that, reminds me the sickening things in the last three years.

All the time I had is steamed egg with a little ham. Even in the Chinese New Year. And I didn't have a better dinner on the winter solace day. The last winter solace day in Hong Kong, I left work early. Everyone in the office left early so I was happy. I could have more time to work on my PhD application and freelance.

Then, there's no big dinner I expected at home. And I was thinking, is it that we'll have a big dinner on the winter solace day or the day after? Then, I didn't think about it much. Continued to work.

Only until the next day when colleagues talked about it that I knew I had steamed egg with ham for the supposed to be big dinner on the day which is supposed to be bigger than the Chinese New Year.

My counselor said, I could try to change my nightmares. That is, to think about what I would do in the nightmare. Do you have any idea for me? What can I do when I see my mother again in the nightmare? I don't want to feel frightened anymore. Can I act like those Japanese heros, transform myself by a magic spell, then kill her?