May 9, 2006, 8:04pm

It was thundering the whole night, so we cancelled our blueberry picking morning.

I had a nightmare again. This is a new one. My evil mother was there screaming and shouting at me. Same as so many times before, I had no way to handle her, either, to stop her.

And Psyche, you're there with me in the nightmare. I don't remember exactly but you're there all the time in the shouting and yelling.

I tried to reason with her, no use. I tried to leave her, she's following. She has no reason when she's scolding me. It's only personal attacks.

This morning I was just exhausted. Feeling the same since September 2002 when I was back in Hong Kong living with them, all through to three months ago. Three months ago I told my counselor about my nightmares and the nightmares became less frequent for a while.

Many times I couldn't remember I had any nightmare but I would just wake up all tensed and in a shock. Bad enough I didn't tell my counselor because I had nightmares too long and too often. I took it normalized and didn't think about telling him.

I want to stop this. I have been away for more than 9 months already. I don't want such nightmares to stay with me all my life.