November 3, 2005, 7:19pm

I made it! Done with the statistics exam and paper!!!

Now, I got to sleep. Last night I had a nightmare again. Was fighting with my mother. So many times I tried to kill her in my dreams. But I don't remember any single time that I'm successful at all. I'd just wake up in the middle of the fight, shocked with sweat and tension all over my body.

Well, I'm feeling a lot better now. Just a nightmare like this every one or two weeks. When I was in Hong Kong in the last three years, I had such nightmares really often. Especially in the first six months when I was back from London, I had terrible nightmares several times every single night.

I really don't know how I lived with that. But I'm gradually realizing that, I should try to orient myself to the future, to think about how I want to live in the rest of my life, and not to think back about how I lived.

It's fine if I can learn any lesson from the past. But if I'm just dreading about what I've gone through and re-live the pain, it doesn't make much sense. I have got more than enough pain already. I shouldn't create more in my head and live in the shadow of pain.

The question is, how? I want to be happy and free. How can I get there? Got to set a goal and do it step by step.