November 5, 2005, 1:02pm

I'm just obsessed by the death of a UF student. Brown was beaten to death by five suspected young men after the football game in Jacksonville last Saturday.

It's so sad. Brown was only 24 and the suspects are around 18 to 20.

I simply feel so sorry that Brown died so young. When I look back, I would have missed a lot in life if I died at 24. I haven't been to London for my master's, thus not meeting Ann and Bert in Scotland. No trip to Ireland and Scotland. No trip to Beijing and Silk Road... Haven't had patellofemoral syndrome and wouldn't meet all the people who are helpful and unhelpful when I was so desperate not being able to lift my own legs.

And when I'm here in Florida for my PhD, I'm expecting all sorts of possibilities and adventures in the rest of my life. The last thing I want is to die right now.

There may be two reasons that we don't want to die. 1. Fear about death, 2. desire to live. Of course, we can be afraid of death and have the desire to live at the same time.

But for me, at least right now, I want to live the best I can. To see more and to become a better person.

This possibility of death always reminds me that I could have died when I was in year two back in CUHK. I was only 20, as I can remember. I climbed from the roof of the Chien Mu Library to the roof of the Humanity Building after midnight. The library roof is about one story lower than that of the Humanity Building.

So, I was climbing from the 3-story library to the 4-story Humanity Building. It's a wide gap between them and somehow, I used two broken rails and made them into two unstable ladders. A friend was holding the rails to make them more stable. When I reached the end of the "ladder," I couldn't touch the edge of the Humanity building roof. And I decided to jump and fortunately, I did reach the edge that's inches away from the tips of my fingers.

So, I was like the spiderman without superpower hanging in there. Finally I lifted myself and climbed onto the roof.

Now, do you wonder why I did that? I wanted to get something for the media ethics class project. I was working in the department building after midnight but some "important stuff" was in my mailbox, which was behind a locked door. So, I got the papers I needed so much that I didn't think about death and passed them to my friend through the door gap. What's more, I climbed from the 4-story roof back to the library roof. That is, I had to hang myself over the edge and let my body fall to the "ladder" that's inches away from the tips of my feet.

Don't ask me how I did that and didn't fall off from the "ladder." I can assure you I'm not a superbeing like the Incredible family with hidden powers. If I was Mr. Incredible, I would have break the door. If I was Mrs. Incredible, I could transform to be a thin sheet and slide myself through the door gap. Well, to be able to run fast doesn't mean I can jump high and being invisible simply can't help.

You know, I was so stupid, I thought I wouldn't die, it's only 3 stories. I remember I did have such a thought. But days after my live performance without any audience, I went to the roof again in the day time and only discovered that the buildings are established on a steep slope. You know, CUHK is on a hill. So, if I fell, it's miles more than the height of the 3-story Chien Mu Library.

So, I could have died two times. Yet, I didn't. Isn't it mystical? Everytime when I think about it, my hands sweat. And when I'm nervious about something, like an exam coming, I would have a nightmare about this near-death experience.

Take care. We only have one life.